New Show, the Amazing Anus Pig, and the End of 2012

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Well we took a good bit of time off to deal with real life, and after an outcry from people we're finally back around with a  new show.

It's amazing how a little time off can make us more offensive than ever.

We went in and completely winged it for this episode as we had plenty to catch up on with this one.  I love how the random shit works out with material that is a winner.

And as promised, we have pics of the horrible ring that Jennie's ex gave his new fiancee.  It's amazing what someone will accept when they're desperate to get a free ride.

If a man tries to propose and this is the ring he give, kill yourself if you even consider saying yes.

And let's not forget the art of re-gifting, and the horrible gift Nick got with Anus Pig!!  It's ugly, it's bedazzled, and what is supposedly a curly tail that looks more like a swollen anus.  It's hideous.

What is honestly more disturbing - someone giving this as an honest gift, or giving it to someone else as a gift?

2013 will only get worse, and Keyan has learned not to demand a shout out from us on the show lol.

Nick Appears Again on RootzLive!

So this whole being unexpectedly unemployed has one perk, it got me a 2nd time doing RootzLive! which is an awesome show to be on.  Scotty Brown has asked me a few times since the episode with the OMG!Droid crew to come on again, but working the late shift with my now previous employer obviously complicated that.

But yeah, schedule cleared up and I got to go on with Adam Fisch from AOKP and talk about the new line of Nexus devices coming out.  One request...can we next time NOT put me on WITH A FUCKING DEV.  Holy shit do you know how stressful to go on and talking devices with one of those dudes and hold your ground, especially one from AOKP?  Kudos to those guys, as they do a hell of a job with that ROM.  

All in all, it went well and I sounded like I had half a clue as to what I was talking about.  Fuck yeah!

Next time can we cover something easy to lighten the stress on me?  Thanks guys!

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way...

Let me start off by saying my nephew Victor isn't the brightest kid at times, and he tends to learn lessons the hard way of shit he should or shouldn't do.  Two of those lessons being don't lie, and don't steal shit from other people.  But, he's only 7, so you have to allow some wiggle room for total stupidity due to age in those situations.

Stealing shit obviously is bad.  You get in trouble, possibly go to jail, or just get your ass kicked.  He doesn't comprehend the severity of the situation when he does it, and thinks he can talk himself out of trouble.

That leads us to the lying part.  Again, he's only 7, so despite any ideas he may conjure up in that brain of his, 99% of the time it fails horribly.  And yes, it's funny as hell to see a 7 year old try to lie his way out of shit, and when his ADD kicks in he changes his story 2 or 3 times within 5 minutes because he forgot wtf the original story was.  I'm sure he tries valiantly to work up a good exit plan in his head in progress.

Example:
He stole a dollar from some kid in the neighborhood.  Instead of hiding it when he got home, he has it out and is questioned on it since no one here gave him said dollar.  He tried as hard as he could to talk his way out of it, but again, consistency is key here.  It started from the kid across the street gave him the dollar to be his friend, then he gave it to him for a completely unknown reason, to he found it in the middle of the street.  Yes, we just went from an actual person gave it to him, to the concrete gave it to him.  To his credit, when he tries to explain all this, you can see the wheels spinning as he tries to adapt on the fly to any inquiry that may come up.  It just doesn't work so well.

So yesterday he comes home from school and my roommate Kevin (Vic's dad) goes to unlock the door and let him in.  As soon as the kid steps foot in the door, he immediately sinks his head down and starts in with "I hate myself for getting in trouble, I hate my life."  Now any normal adult may immediately ask what happened, what's wrong, and other concerning things of that nature.  Me?  No.  I immediately bust out laughing at the sight of a kid doing this.  I could care less what the reason is.

It turns out Kevin was a bit more privy to the circumstances of what occurred earlier in the day leading to this than I was.  It turns out Vic was in the cafeteria at school, and decided to take some bacon off another kids plate.  The kid told him to stop, and Vic kept doing it.  POW!!  The kid punches him right in the face, bloody nose and all.

The kid straight out put the Rihanna to Vic to his ass to defend his pork prize.

I immediately start laughing again while he's standing there head still down and pouting over his defeat.  Kevin is trying not to laugh while watching this scene, so he turns his head away and sees me laughing.  Plan failed, he's laughing too.  Vic is still pouting and looking pathetic.

Circle back to the lying part.  Of course since there's a fight, or punch thrown in this case, Vic is in the principle's office and Kevin is called where he's filled in on the situation.  Now again, being a stupid kid, he can't just tell the truth and quickly get the problem over with.  He tries to work his way out of it, changes the story around a few times because he can't keep track of himself, and screws it all up.  What really clinched his defeat in the middle of his epic story telling is when the principle called him out on the story and reminded him that she can easily pull the video tape of the cafeteria to see what really happened.  Vic gives in, and the truth comes out.  The smoke pouring from his ears from frantic thoughts was all for not.

Vic is still pouting because he got caught and got punched in the face, and I'm crying from laughing so hard.  Vic tends to be a dick at school for reasons I don't always know, but this is the first time a kid actually popped him for being an asshole.

Some people without common sense may think getting punched is a bit drastic, but we are talking about bacon here.  It's the sacred food of foods, and honestly if 4 or 5 kids had kicked his ass I would have overlooked it.

There's two lessons in life that are absolutely critical:
1)  Never fuck another man's woman
2)  Never fuck with another man's bacon

Episode 39: Fetish Acts and Nick's Humility

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So a while back I had a random idea while talking to my friends Fetish Jade and Mistress Cassandra about coming on the show sometime.  Yes, you read those names right.  They're dominatrixes, and it's pretty awesome.

So nothing came out of it for a while due to scheduling, and last week Cassandra hits me up and says the're both free to do the show this weekend.  Fuck yes!

So we ended up getting more of an in depth look into being a dominatrix than I could of imagine, and the fucked up things that people can get into.  And Nick is in a ton of trouble when Jade comes through Texas in a couple of months.

Catch them both on Twitter with the links below, and make sure to check out Jade's website here.
Fetish Jade
Mistress

Episode 38: Don't Jerk it When You're High

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Welcome to the art of going off topic for almost a whole show.  Sure we always have a flow of stuff to cover, but sometimes our genius come purely off the top of our heads.  This was one of those times.  Have fun with our unique brand of stupidity.

We want to thank Thirst for Clarity for hooking us up with music for the show to use from now on.  Make sure to go check them out as they're an awesome band.

We had a script as usual, but just ended up winging most of the content with all the random shit we were coming up with.  And congratulations, you now know what it's like when Nick is high on ambien including trying to shit or jerk off.  Kevin recaps the hell of being at WalMart today and trying not to murder people.

Hiiiiigggggghhhhhhh on Ambien

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

This is EXACTLY what it's like when it kicks in....

Damn You FedEx!

So part of my job at OMG!Droid is whoring myself out to vendors to get test products sent in to us.  From there, we tear it apart, break it, review it, and then normally give it away after (I know, it's odd to give away products we abuse).

Regardless, this is a good part of my job, and so well it's been going good.  I've gotten feedback from a number of various vendors, and requests are getting put in.  So I've got one that shipped out right around the end of August.  I figured probably within around 5 days or so, float an extra day or two because of the holiday, and I should have it in hand.  Yeah no, not so much.  According to FedEx, they left it at my door on August 30th.  The only thing that's arrived at my door in the last 2 weeks is a phone book.  They still make those?

My conclusion is a toss-up between two options at this point:

1. The FedEx driver decided to pull a cruel prank by using magic to turn a box with 2 phone cases into a phone book just to piss me off (which is working btw).
2. FedEx has no idea where the fuck the driver left the package, and he's a fucking moron.

I'll safely bet on option 2.  So here I am, one phone call in and numerous no reply tweets which have lead me to waiting on a trace ticket to figure out where the driver left it.  Let's hope this is located soon, although it's not like I have a business to help run.

After this situation today, I'm glad another shipment I have going via FedEx I was able to order to be held at the local station and avoid the driver all together.  I'm gonna go look at boobies online now.

Oh, and a couple of side notes.  Thank you CyanogenMod for adding the SMS quick reply in the notification bar.  It makes me happy.  And AOKP, hurry the fuck up with the toroplus nightlies!!!

Here's something for now to make me happy again.  Thanks Colie Jacks!

This song about describes me perfectly at times with as popular as I seem to have gotten.

Download Issues and an Awesome Compliment

So I found out earlier today there were some issues with the download on the new episode.  Turns out the host we use flagged it as copyrighted material and it was blocking downloads.  Apparently their backend software used to catch people uploading music and trying to share it illegally thought we were doing this.  Apparently when it scanned a clip of the show, it caught either an intro song or bumper song and set flags off.  Yeah, cause an audio show that's over an hour in duration and over 150MB is a sinle MP3 song.

Anyways, I got in touch with the host and explained the situation.  They let me know what was going on and apologized for what happened.  Kudos to the MediaFire customer service chick I worked with on this one.  She was totally cool and got the ticket put in to get the file white-listed again.  She also gave me a work around to use for now until it's cleared.  I've been told at this point the workaround we deployed is working fine and downloads are going as normal.

Also, I got the most awesome compliment earlier from Christina after getting this weekend's show and had to share.

"Soooo I listened to about 75% of the podcast on my way home. I am now positive that I'm an awful human being for laughing my ass off."

Episode 37: Have Some of My Jesus Penis

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We're back with more of the insanity that you expect of us.  This week's news includes LL Cool J giving some homeless guy a beat down he'll never forget in his life after breaking into his house.  Snooki gave birth to a beautiful Gollum stunt double for the next Lord of the Rings movie.  Congrats!

We also recap a contest Nick is doing for the Android community where he was willing to accept bribes for a winner.  We expected awesome offerings like alcohol and money, but no one expected someone to offer up their really hot sister.  We have a winner!!

And for those of you stuck in the circle of not being able to decide on a career in life, we have the 10 rules of pimping to help you bring out your inner sex worker!  Nick whips out the Jesus Penis to get in touch with a hoe's soul!

For anyone we make angry after this episode, feel free to send all complaints to socialfail@gmail.com


Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez

1. Always make them need and depend on you so you have power over them (power is control)
2. Make them understand that you dont need them they need you, and they are replaceable.  Never let them no if you need them deep inside.
3. Never let no1 get away with sneakin anything cause once they feel they can get away they will alwayz scheme.
4. No matter how much you like or care for 1 or any of them, don’t trust none of them. (Like Scarface who do I trust??? Me that’s who...)
5. Always stay 2 step’s ahead of the game yo have them playin...
6. Don’t let them no all your plan’s, but alwayz try 2 know there’s
7. Make sure you own there mind’s, body’s, and soul’s (N test out every often 2 make sure)
8. keep your bi on the low as possible when it come’s 2 family and hater’s (cause you can’t trust none of them)
9. Always try 2 know whatz going on (make them tell on eachother)
10. Give respect when respect’s due... (follow these rules and you should b gucci)

Episode 36: Everything Is Better With Colie Jacks

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At times I have to wonder to myself, how do I come up with these brilliant ideas?  Getting Colie Jacks to agree to come on the show with us tonight is one of those times.

Today started as a wreck after a day wasted on BS at a car lot for Nick, but at least we got to eat at Genghis Grill.

Colie Jacks....the hottest woman on Twitter...is on the show tonight.

We are getting huge in minor countries you've probably never heard of, and we're now the unsung heroes Germany has been begging for since David Hasselhoff was solely responsible for bringing down the Berlin Wall.  And major kudos to indienation.fm for not kicking us off their weekly broadcast yet!

Did I mentioned we have Colie Jacks on the show?

Dave Mustaine made headlines on tonight's episode with his high as fuck brilliant philosophy on gun control and The Obama Conspiracy with the Aurora shooting tragedy.

You know that really hot chick Colie Jacks?  Yeah, she's on the show with us...

Nick recaps a drunken high school party with a woman trying to stab people with a butter knife, and Kevin publicly has a failure in his anger management courses that I'm sure will have him back in therapy tomorrow.

Now back to the more important thing that you're all really listening for.  Queen of Twitter, and soon to be queen of the interwebz Colie Jacks.  She's killed it on Playboy's The Smoking Jacket, Hot Chick of the Week, Playboy's Twitter trend Frisky Friday, and recently Playboy Netherlands.  She brightens the timeline of over 23k people.  We have a hell of a sit down with the woman who's warmed her way into all your hearts and are fortunate to say we were the first.  You Colie fans don't want to miss this one.

Make sure to check out Colie on Twitter and all the amazing pics that have made her a legend.  Now let's hope we can get her back on very soon.

New Podcast is Posted "Too Much Fapping In This One"

Episode 35: Too Much Fapping In This One
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Here we are with a new week and a new episode.  We planned on having Colie Jacks with us, but had to bump to next weekend due to schedule conflicts.  As always, we improvise and move on, and make you fuckers laugh.

Big ups to indienation.fm for having us on their weekly rotation Sundays at 10PM central time.

In the weekly news, our neighbors are hick idiots, some people saw some meteors, and Club Applebee's is possibly the dumbest idea ever.  They should have had Nick in The Bourne Legacy since they didn't have Bourne in it.  The ass grabbers are invading Wal-Mart, and someone forgot to tell ICP that they're irrelevant.

The NFL is back baby!!!!  Life actually make sense again, even if it is just pre season.

Nick also shares in the horrors of getting icy hot on your genitalia, along with a sad moment over the retirement of porn star BiBi Jones.

Nick and Kevin are also trying to get back in shape because apparently being unhealthy can kill you or something.  Exercise also leads to the most ridiculous conversations about masturbation we've ever come up with.

As promised in the show, I posted up the BiBi Jones retirement video and the epic mugshot of the Wal-Mart ass grabber.

Nick Rolls Into RootzLive, Hilarity Ensues

If you have an Android phone and half a functional fucking brain, then you probably have heard of RootzWiki and their RootzLive show.  If you haven't, you're screwing up your life.

I've been fortunate to get the place I have so far in the Android community and to meet some really fn cool people.  One of which being Scotty Brown who works for CruzerLite and RootzWiki.  We've traded shots and goofed off on numerous occasions, and he provided a hell of a show on the 1yr anniversary for OMG!Droid.  Cliff will never be the same after that show.

So anyways, Scotty asked us to bring some of the crew from the site to do RootzLive.  Fuck yes!!  I'm sure most people were already aware of the episode since we've been spamming the shit out of it, but fk it!  If you missed it, the YouTube is linked below.  Big thanks to OMG!Droid, Scotty Brown, and RootzWiki.

This weekend we've got Colie Jacks with us! Email us any questions you have for her!

I gotta admit, when it comes to brilliant ideas we have outdone ourselves this time.  We've got internet sensation, and the amazingly beautiful, Colie Jacks joining us this weekend for the show.

She's got Twitter going nuts and Starbucks stocks going out the roof with her daily pics and 22k followers.  We know you've seen her, and probably stared at her pics for a while.  Trust me, no one blames you.  You've also probably seen her in your timeline under #TeamFlyTetas, #FriskyFriday, and #HCOTW.

We're also gonna take your quesitons for her!  Just shoot us an email at socialfail (at) gmail.com and we'll get them on the show.  Just be warned, she doesn't hold back on the fuckery.

And don't waste time with the marriage proposals in the emails.  I've already tries like 3 times.  It won't work.

For those who live under a fucking rock, you can follow Colie on Twitter and catch her stash of pics on Tumblr.

Now go away so we can go back to fapping...

New Podcast is Up!!

Episode 34: Drunken Chaos as Usual

We're joined this week on our first show back from some time off by Jennie and Jenn.  Big thanks to Jenn for taking the time to join us so late when she had shit to handle the next morning.

We've all seen the Chick-Fil-A news over the last couple of weeks.  Instead of picking a side, we decide to just rant on both sides of the stupidity of the whole situation.

The NFL is back!!  It is a glorious time!

We also recapped highlights from the last few weeks of our absence.  It's always good to catch up right?

The 2nd half of the show includes our own coverage of the 2012 Olympics and the joys of America making little foreign kids cry.  If that ain't patriotic, I don't know what is.

Download the new episode by clicking HERE

Follow our guests on their Twitter feeds:
Jennie
Jenn

Chic-Fil-A Hates Gays, Gays Now Hate Cock, Chicken Still Tasty

So it's been about a week now that this whole Chick-fil-A hates gay people bullshit broke.  You can't do anything online since where you don't seem some news article on it, or people bitching back and forth about it.

Let's start with one clear disclaimer before you start losing your shit based on whatever side you support.  I don't hate Chick-fil-A, nor do I hate gay people.  Chicken sammiches are tasty as fuck, and lesbians are absolutely amazing.  If I could make a porn movie, it would be a group of lesbians having nasty lesbian sex, then eating grilled chicken club sammiches.  That would make life awesome.

Apparently since the company was founded in 1946, no one fucking realized that a company based on Christian values might actually have opinions in line with those beliefs.  I know, you're as surprised as I am right?  My only personal objection to this belief system being integrated into their business model is that they close on Sunday, which oddly seems to be a day I really want a chicken sammich.  Fucking Christians, this must be an evil ploy on their part.

So about this whole chicken vs gay situation.  On July 2nd, Dan Cathy was interviewed by some newsletter called the Biblical Reporter and part of it was about their support of the traditional family.  Keep in mind he was asked about it, the guy didn't toss it into the middle of some unrelated shit.

"We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. ... We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized. "We intend to stay the course," he said. "We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."


So now this opinion is apparently shocking and means that they really want to open up concentration camps to wipe out homosexuals all over the planet.  OK, realistically it doesn't, but this whole situation has blown up to the point where people would easily believe it.


Since all this shit broke and got time to escalated to a fucking stupid level, we're now being subjected to boycotts, protests, and an overload of hash tag use on Twitter that's flooded my timeline so much I can't manage to catch a descent post with a set of tits in it before some civil rights assclown fucks my boner all up.  That, or some right wing nut job quoting scripture over waffle fries that makes me give up hope of rubbing one off.  Now we have today as some official "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" which means every location in the country is filled with people buying product to show support.  I have no objection to this normally, except for it making it impossible for me to get anything to eat there as I'm not waiting an hour in line while Jesus Lovin' Pastor Bob argues with Nancy the Angry Lesbian through the window.

Damn both sides of you, damn you right to hell!

I think everyone seems to have forgotten one thing in life.  We're all entitled to a fucking opinion.  Chick-fil-A is entitled to be mad about all the gay people gaying around in their gay pride, and the heads of Chick-fil-A is entitled to keeps their heads in their asses and praise sweet little baby Jesus.  And surprise, no one has to like your opinion.  Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but shut the fuck up and deal with it.  Difference in opinion doesn't mean turn into a nut job like your happy little world is about to end.  


In a small moment of humor, Kevin did point out a funny observation.  Chick-fil-A supposedly hates gay people, but the base of their menu is a fried cock shoved between two warm buns.  How's that for irony?


Back on the porno thought.  I should have the hot lesbians rolling around with the chicken sammiches, and perhaps replacing mud wrestling with Chick-fil-A wrestling.  My boner approves of this.

Trespass America Festival

I'm finally fn home, and I still can't hear normally.  With the exception of Trivium and Pop Evil, Trespass was a hell of a show.

Don't get me wrong, Trivium isn't horrible.  Those guys are actually pretty good.  Their singer just sucks really bad and fucks up the whole experience.  As for Pop Evil, let's not get any hopes up there.  Those guys are fucking horrible.

And yes, I was highly fucking impressed with Battlecross.  If you're not a highly known band and wanna get accepted in Texas, cover Pantera.  The place went insane when they played Fucking Hostile.  They actually check their Twitter account too!

Killswitch played a hell of a set, and it's great seeing Jesse back on vocals.  Anyone who questioned him coming back and replacing Howard can now shut your fucking mouth.  Dude was on point.  And 5FDP puts in one hell of a show.  Mad fn energy.

Now hit the link to get to the full album of pics I took.  Please excuse some of the quality.  I shot em on my Gnex, but a lot of it was at like 50% zoom because of the seats.

Click here assholes

@destinybhg Contest for the Show This Weekend With Destiny Benedict ...Win a Membership!! #givemedestiny

Destiny Benedict aka "butthole girl" joins us this Saturday on The Failed Social Experiment podcast.

Yes sir, you absolutely would hit that if given a chance...it's damn true!

She's already blown up on the internet with the butt tricks she's done, and even pissed off some celeb chick by being confused as getting her nudes posted online which drew plenty more attention to her.  Apparently this is some Canadian singer that did some lame talent show, and like 6 people listen to her shit.

We decided to hook up 4 of you motherfuckers as a little treat since Destiny is coming on the show with us this weekend.  Yes it's Destiny, AKA "butthole girl", is joining us for the show!

To celebrate, 4 of you get a one month membership to her private blog for FREE to see all the kinky hot shit she takes pics of.  Where can you go wrong with this?

That's right...you already follow her for the obvious reasons, and you should be listening to our podcast anyways.  Why not be rewarded?  We give you reason to beat your dick.  Congratulations!

The blog can be found right here:

*~ The Skin I Live In ~*

Make sure you're following both our Twitter pages to participate.  Click on The Failed Social Experiment and Destiny Benedict for each page.  Post to both of us on Twitter with the hashtag #givemedestiny to be eligible.

And yes, the site is worth winning the contest over.  I've done plenty of.....errr....research.  Fap fap fap fap fap.

Good luck!!

4th of July and More BBQ!!!

Yeah, so I'm kind of addicted to the new grill.  So much so, that I bought way too much damn food to feed the few people we had over here today.  Fuck it though...that shit was bomb as hell and is gonna give me leftovers for a fn week.

Hell we even have some shit we didn't throw on the grill that's getting hooked up this weekend.  Beef ribs anyone?

Made a quick stop at the fireworks store before cooking.

Sausage and BBQ chick on the stop.  Steaks and burgers on the bottom.

Added in some lemon pepper chicken and creole chicken.

Most of the meat done by now.  Decided to hook up some sauteed mushrooms to it.

Fuck yes!

Just the mushrooms and chicken finishing up...

Episode 33: I Don't Eat With My Dick

All hell broke loose, and the world ended for two and a half hours until we were done.  I must admit, this is probably one the funniest episodes we've ever done so far.

Jennie and Keyan joined in with us as in the first half we covered all the fun jackass news of school admins and they're fuck time emails, hot teachers in porn, grown men masturbating to stuffed bears, and whores in school proms.

The second half we decided to bring back our own segment of giving real answers to all those stupid questions in Cosmo that women always read.  None of that shit is real, and it's either a made up answer, or bullshit from lame dude just trying to get some ass.  Your reality has now been ruined!

We had such a good time we went way over on the show but who cares....it's fucking entertaining!


Download it here!

About the Mobile Site

It's come to my attention that Google's mobile format for the pages doesn't show the separate pages, only the main page.  Because of this if someone comes on here from a phone or tablet they likely won't see them and be able to download the shows.

Oops.....

So from here on out I'll make sure to add a download link to each post just to make it easier on your assholes.

New BBQ Grill!!

I haven't had a BBQ grill in fn years now and it's been driving me nuts.  Living in an apartment really screws up anything like that since I lived upstairs for the majority of the time, and didn't want to get it stolen.  I've been at this place for a year now I think and finally got another one.

Yes, I know...a fn year.  The roommate and I have talked about it on and off, but kept forgetting or had other shit come up so it just never happened.  He has one, but it's 1.) propane which I don't want to cook on and 2.) too fucking big to fit in my trailblazer to move it and I don't have a random trailer to load it on for transport.

So I broke down last week and finally just said fk it.....the 4th is coming up and I have been dying to grill some stuff.  This shit is getting done.  So score, found a grill for like $100 and grabbed the accessories I needed...it's fn on!

I already cooked some shit up today and got plenty for Wednesday.  Honestly I may go pick up more shit to cook for the hell of it.  Anyone want some free food?  And yes...I did shit like a fn boss and cooked tater tots in there.  They were fn awesome.

For the record...I grill the best lemon pepper chicken ever.  Your life now means NOTHING.

Episode 32: Debauchery is a Fine Art

We're back finally post hernia surgery with Kevin, and the stupidity will ensue.  We brought in Jennie and Jennifer, yes I know two of them, in on the fun.

And yes, since Kevin had surgery we had to go into full detail about it....including the swollen nuts issue.  Nick expresses his lack of joy for insomnia but absolute love of ambien.

The zombie apocalypse is real and we've got the refresher on all the instances that have hit the press.  Is it really zombies, or are there just too many idiots getting high on bath salts?

Jerry Sandusky and his soon to be reamed anus get discussed after being found guilty on a billion counts of trying to fuck kids.  Yes, we still found humor with this sick fuck.

We also had an unexpected chance to put a friend of Jennie's on blast for being a total fucking tool, including an awesome voicemail you can't miss.

New show is posted and let the Memorial Day Celebrations begin!

I think this show managed to go completely off the deep end.  We went in depth on the fun of people chasing ass in bars, and try to help everyone fine their love connection by writing inmates.  Yes, we want you to have that someone special.

This was all instigated by Jen discussing the sex talk that gets shared in her gym each week, so blame it all on her.  And no, no hot lesbian sex.  I tried to push for it I promise.  Kevin didn't like the idea of sex in a gym anyways.

Hit the download launch on the left and go enjoy the holidays.  Party hard but make sure you make it home safe.

Big thanks to Jen for hanging out with us!  Make sure to follow her on Twitter @FirecrackerJAD
And yes, she's single.....my matchmaking awesomeness continues!

OMG!Droid TV Episode 2 Is Posted (ft. me of course)

So for those who didn't know yet, I now write for OMG!Droid cause I'm awesome, and they had to recruit me.  Obviously a wise choice by them.  We've got a weekly show going and we just wrapped up tonight's show....ya know...the one I plugged on Twitter earlier.  Go have a listen and get educated if you're an Android user.  If you love your iPhone, get converted to a real phone :D

Vacation over, bring on the show and alcohol!

We're finally back which I'm sure most of you aren't happy about.  I know you enjoyed not having us spam you with the new episode download and the ensuing stupidity was enjoyable.  However we are back, we're drunk, and we've got a host of stupid fucking topics to make you all laugh.  Hit the link for the show list on the left and enjoy you assholes.

Kate Upton Makes Me Happy in the Pants

I don't know who Terry Richardson is or what the fuck his site is even about, and quite honestly it doesn't fucking matter.  What does matter is it has a video they shot of Kate Upton in a very small.....again let me stress small......bikini. And then dancing around to some lame hip hop shit and some stupid new dance.  Details on this are irrelevant, as what's important is tits jiggling.  Did I mention the bikini is small?  Plus she's really fucking hot and has nice big tits.  Big tits and a small bikini top is a brilliant combination.

I would like someone to shoot another version of this much longer in duration, and without the creepy pedobear in it.

This is the shit that makes me jerk off until my dick hurts.  Then I rub one more off just cause that's the kind of man I am.....

Nick vs The City of Dallas #TXtweetup

I love going to Dallas.  I also love being drunk off my ass in Dallas.  Some may see it as a cause for concern, but I'm quite content with this situation.  The Texas Tweetup was no exception....

Back in January I had the brilliant idea of having a tweetup here.  The idea was brilliant.  Hit up a lot of people from around the state I'm cool with, get them all in one place, and act like a complete fucking idiot.  It works since most of them are not surprised with my antics.

I apologize in advance that there weren't a ton of pics taken during the weekend.  My ADD kicked in and I was too busy being distracted by a lot of dumb shit.

There's one thing I noticed over the weekend I didn't realize before.....this city has a fucking TON of condom stores!  In a city this big, do you people not have anything else better to do as a hobby than fuck like rabbits???

Random stop to eat at Freebirds by me and Kevin, and I run across a midget!!!  Yes, I have an odd thing for midgets.  I want one as a pet.  I'm completely willing to pay the pet deposit and build a full kennel.  Be jealous, I will have one at some point.

This little bastid in particular was great.  He claims he's a lawyer, and was a total DICK to all the employees.  I gotta find him again one day and party with him.  Can you imagine this guy in action in a courtroom?

Below is a shot from one of the rooms we had which gave a nice view of the Honda bike shop next to us.  

As I was online back in January planning what hotel to pick, there was one feature that was CRITICAL.  I had to have something with a continental breakfast for the free waffles.  They are fucking AWESOME.  It got mentioned once while planning this, and became an absolute requirement.  I'm still amazed that I woke up at 930am to make it downstairs in time for this shit.

Tweetup Fun Fact: Kevin is a champ at locking himself out of his room.  And he'll probably cock punch me for posting this.  We had adjoining rooms that had that door in between them.  Fucking convenient for when we were hanging out and wanted to be lazy.  So we decide to make a run downstairs to smoke.  Go back up, and his room key won't work.  Thinking maybe it's just a bad key (he grabbed the spare they gave instead of the first he used which worked fine) he goes back downstairs to get a working key.  I go in my room to watch TV while this is going on expecting him to be back in my room in a few.  Two commercial breaks later he isn't back so I'm starting to wonder where the fuck he went.  As soon as I get off the elevator I hear him talking to the guest services guy and dude says "I guess your friend didn't care enough to check on ya and make sure you're ok."  My instant response as they turn the corner "nah, that's too much fucking work for this fool."  The guest services guy cracks up.  This dude is cool as shit.

Turns out Kevin locked the deadbolt on his door and didn't realize it when we got back.  The middle door shut behind us, so he got totally locked out of the room when we returned.  Turns out the services guy had to break out some glass security shield like it's some fucking fire alarm he had to pull to get the master keys to unlock the deadbolt.  According to him this is the first time in all the years he's worked there that anyone has ever done that.  I guess that made us famous?  Too bad we didn't get a fucking trophy for it.  The guy just kept laughing.  Fucking asshole...he's still cool though.

And yes, Kevin locked himself out a second time.  He had the key card in his wallet and forgot to grab it when we went down to smoke.  And again, they didn't mind making him ANOTHER card.  Total key cards he had over the weekend I believe was 4.

Just to clarify, fish is fish, and not steak.  This being said, I have never heard of it being cooked like a steak with options like medium-well, medium-rare, etc.  Nor have I ever been asked if I have a preference.  It's a dead fish, you cook it all the damn way through.  This however isn't the case with Dave & Buster's apparently, depending on who you ask.  Annette ordered blackened salmon which on the outside looked fine.  Open taking a few bites and opening the shit up, turns out it was drastically undercooked on the inside.  She tells the waitress, waitress apologizes and said she's never seen that happen before.  Everything is cool and it gets taken back to get corrected.  One of the managers comes out and in a confused manner wants it clarified that Annette DID NOT want it cooked medium rare.  According to him, this is standard cooking style for them on fish.  WHAT....THE.....FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?

I've never been to a fucking place that cooked it like that, or even presented this as an option.  Hell your own employees don't even seem to know this is some protocol.  After some confusion and strange looks from the manager, and numerous reassurances from us on how it needs to be cooked and that he's a jackass, the fish was finally done right.

I don't remember what the fuck the name of this shit I ordered was, but it was fucking good.

So anyways, here's some random pics from the tweetup while we were at our table hanging out, and then in the Midway playing video games while we were drunk.

On a side note, if you're going up there with a party, call way the fuck in advance and reserve seating.  We normally would have done that but we didn't know exactly how many would be there and once you hit a certain number they want deposits and shit.  We basically just said fuck it to that and did a walk in.  Turns out Saturday night was popular for the WHOLE FUCKING CITY because there were four parties of 20 ahead of us, along with a few of 6 and 8 as well.  Are you kidding me?!!?!?!?  We got in at 7pm and got on the list, found some tables to take over and hang out at around the bar.  After a while we said fuck it and ordered our food while hanging out since we were still waiting.  It was something like 10pm when they finally called us.  By that time we were finishing eating.  I was too drunk to care by then and forgot about the list completely.

This dude and his wife we're PIMP!

DWI anyone?

 Ok so she might be right.....I mean they say you're not supposed to use the wall as a brake while driving....

Another side note.  We spent almost 4 hours in the Midway playing games.  There was this one creepy pedobear fucker that was on the Dance Dance Revolution machine and was going nuts on it.  Dude even brought his own damn sweat towel for it.  He was on that fucking DDR machine the majority of the time we were back there, and no telling how long prior.  A fucking grown ass man.

Apparently Annette and Mary were plotting to try and get me and Kevin to do that DDR shit.  There will NEVER be enough alcohol for that to happen.

Double rum and coke ALL FUCKING NIGHT!

I had to get this pic.  I was talking to Kevin and turned to find a bartender.  Next thing I know, Dan huge a fucking fro growing from his head.

This old guy had some of the most awesome shorts ever.  Even Kevin got a little jealous of them.  Poor guy doesn't know how close he was to being robbed in the middle of a Kroger.

I want to thank this time to thank the awesome hotel staff at the Marriott for not getting mad at drunk me for staggering around their lobby that night.  You guys rock!!  And thanks to Nikki for helping me out on the hotel booking considering I had no clue what the fuck I was doing.