The Fuck You List

Ok so I've decided to do a little mini series that I'll add to from time to time here called "The Fuck You List". General idea of it is just a collection of whatever is pissing me off at the time, and a posted version of the rant I usually have throughout the course of a day about it. I've still got some shit I need to pull from twitter and post here, but this is the shit that was on my mind today.
Whoopi Goldberg
I want to thank Whoopi for her clarification in morality, where in we know there's now two kinds of rape. The first is "rape-rape" which is still the bad one, that we use to just call rape. This is the one you don't want to do, and you will go to jail for.
The new one is "not rape-rape". The best example of this is Roman Polanski. According to Whoopi, it's ok to dope a 13 year old up to the point of being almost completely out of it, and proceed to fuck her in the ass while she says no. Perhaps you get the sympathy points for first asking her if she's on the pill and waiting for an answer, then having the heart to let her know you'll pull out. Well, that's might fucking considerate of you. Now, let's take a trip into Whoopi's moral universe.....
"I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."
Well, yeah.......when you rape someone, we put your stupid ass in jail. There was someone who many years ago had an absolute moment of total genius and said "Hey, raping a chick is probably a bad idea. I think we should punish people who do that." And so, the law was born. I think it makes complete sense to me, but I'm no moral crusader like Whoopi is apparently.
And on that note, fuck you too Roman Polanski. You were like 43 and she was 13. Double whammy...you raped a girl in the ass and she was a minor. Way to go you fucking pedo douchebag.
Miley Cyrus
So today has sucked in the twitter world for quite a few reasons. It's bad enough those cockwhores can't keep shit running so nothing was refreshing, but then we have to deal with everyone crying over Miley deleting her twitter account like this some some fucking huge loss to mankind. Who the fuck cares if she deleted her account? She's just an idiot who goes into emo rambling all fucking day and apparently her boyfriend didn't like her having the account. Now everyone is fucking crying and shit over it. Fuck you. If you're life if gonna be so fucked just because that tool deleted a twitter account, you need to step up from being a cutter and just lay down in traffic. Let Roman Polanski rape your dog in the ass, then you'll have something legit to cry over.
And no, I didn't make the image. It's some random one I found on the net. I don't know who made it so I can't give credit, but whoever it is.....you fucking rock!
Panda Express
No, my issues with them haven't stopped. They still won't put panda on the fucking menu, but they continue to advertise it. This WILL be war. I think I'll go there tonight for dinner and have a little fun.
Snow Leopard Fanboys
Do none of you realize that you just got fucked by Steve Jobs in paying $30 for a service pack??? I realize it's a hell of a lot better than your normal $130 you guys get bent over on, but shit. This is all crap for the most part that could have been in gradual releases over time. Oh kick ass, we got new features that will be fucking worthless unless someone actually writes an app around it even though their shit works without it!! You can all kiss my Windows lovin ass, every one of ya. Here's the nice thing I get as a perk. When Microsoft releases something the equivelant of a service pack, they call it one and I download the shit for free. I don't have to pay out the ass to get some updates to speed up my shit or make it a little more secure. And I don't sure ain't paying to get Vista .1, .2, .3, .4, etc.

Nick vs Panda Express Begins

Ok, so there's a lot of people who are aware with my bitch with Panda Express. If you're going to put panda in your name, and put images of pandas all over the fucking place, you better serve those fucks on the menu! Do they? No. Not a single fucking time. This is becoming complete bullshit in my opinion. I want to know what panda tastes like next to sesame chicken and egg drop soup, and these assholes keep fucking teasing me with it. So I've decided instead of just ranting about it on Twitter all the time, I should address this issue directly with them. I've received a ton of positive response to my criticism, so I thought it was the right thing to do. I will be attempting a diplomatic approach first.
I am going to make every attempt to be an adult and be professional about this. I think a major company like this will see the error of their ways, and either remove the panda from their branding, or put one of those fat fucks in a wok and slap a shitload of teriyaki on it!!
As soon as I receive a response on this matter, I'll make sure to post it here immediately along with any response from me if needed. If they don't respond, I'll happily do a follow up with them on this.
To whom it may concern,
I'm contacting you in regards to a concern and disappointment I've experienced with your franchise. Let me start by saying I have been a customer at your establishments here since they first opened, and have been more than pleased with the food and level of service I have received each and every time. However, there is an issue that I find quite pressing.
When your first location opened here, I must admit I was a bit shocked. I've had Chinese food numerous times in my life, and have tried to be open to try different things. I was a bit hesitant at first at the thought of eating panda for the first time in my life. I have never heard of this as a standard delicacy, but who am I to question what someone in a third world country might serve at the dinner table? If you're hungry, then you're hungry. You can't be one to complain about the meal in front of you when you're poor I suppose. So although I have not run across this on any menu, I thought I could give it the benefit of the doubt and get some panda on my plate.
I must admit, I have been rather disappointed thus far. My first visit supplied me with no panda. Actually, every visit has provided me with no tasty panda to bite into. At first, I thought with it being the main attraction, it must be in high demand and certainly on short supply. I encountered this issue the following few times I chose to dine at your fine establishment. After this, my frustration began to grow. I have been to two locations, and attended numerous times of the day to eliminate the "it's too late in the evening to catch some grilled panda" situations. I continued to try regardless, and have nothing with heartache. I even asked an employee there once if they have ever served panda, in which I got a quick reply of no as she turned back to serve my helping of mushroom chicken.
So far, your blatant advertising and exploitation of pandas has me quite frustrated. I go to your establishment and see "Panda Express" clear as day. That should be an obvious indication of what you cook and serve correct? I don't go to Burger King with the expectation of buying a burrito. I walk inside, and there are images of cute little pandas spread out all over the place. As I sit there staring at the plate with no grilled panda on it, they sit there taped to the walls staring at me, taunting me.
At this point, this has become completely unacceptable! I demand you either start serving panda on your menu right alongside the chicken and beef, or remove the panda images and verbiage from your company name and advertising and logos and halt this obvious false advertising. If needed, I'll rip one of those fuzzy bastards out of a tree and beat him on the head so he's unconscious and you can stick him in the oven.
This situation deserves some kind of immediate resolution, and I await your response.
Regards,
Nick
mentallyprovoked@gmail.com

I Work Really Hard

I've come to the realization that I work way too hard. Now this isn't the normal thought most may have. What I mean is when I go to work, I work extremely hard to not do my job, as opposed to doing anything productive at all. The first thing I do when I get in is fire up my computer and try to figure out the first thing I want to do besides actual work. It really doesn't take any kind of effort to listen to people call in and bitch about this or that about their cell phones. And in all honesty, I could really give a fuck less anyways. Do I feel any remorse for them, or lose sleep? Fuck no! Hell I even caught myself staring at the ceiling counting tiles with someone rambling in my ear for 5 minutes about something. I really can't remember what they were even talking about. I just kept on with the normal "yeah...uh huh.....right.....oh my" standard bullshit to make them feel like their being listened to, and to some level perhaps even appreciated. The photo to the left was that exact moment today. And for the record, I counted 63 today.
So what do I actually do each day? Well, I spend a good part of the day playing on Twitter. It passes the time, and keeps me rather amused through the entire day. During this time, I make sure to put in time on either test messages or BlackBerry Messenger maintaining the regular lines of communication. Morning conversations usually consist of chats with @EricsTXGal trying to help her with killing her co-workers, or at least getting them fired. Here recently I even managed to be somewhat famous by fucking up @Candice_Jo's video blogs (completely unintentionally of course). Much appreciation on the plugs I got from her, instead of her threatening to kill me. Make sure to check out her blog here. This usually carries me into lunch, that sacred half way mark of the day.
Lunch is an interesting phenomenon all in it's own, as it's where I've realized that one...Chic-Fil-A employees either enjoy their fucking jobs way too much for minimum wage, or they're all high as fuck. I'm honestly going to vote for option 2, and I don't see how anyone could be content shoveling waffle fries as a career builder for less money than you could make on welfare rockin the government cheese. I'm willing to bet there's a shitload of X and lesbian orgies behind those doors to the back.
Lunchtime has also lead me to realize that old people are stalking me, and want to kill me. I haven't completely figured out why yet. Perhaps being the innovator of ignorance is working against me this time. It is entirely possible. I first thought it off when I went to Whataburger for lunch one day. They often flock there in the mornings for their coffee time, but never at noon. That's nap time, and you can't take that out of their routine. But there they were, and I realized I was the only one there under age 60 minus a couple of employees. I could feel them staring at me, and plotting my demise. Two days later I went to Taco Bell for lunch, which I assumed would be a safe location. They can't eat Taco Bell. Shit they can barely eat anything that doesn't come pre chewed in a jar. But there they were again, staring. Two of them tried to make their move on me when I finished eating, but my quick thinking saved the day. I pointed to the TV and said "Hey look.....it's the Wilford Brimley diabetes commercial!!" That bought me enough time to break the fuck outta there. I'm still planning my strike to retaliate. I will be avenged.
So lunch is over, and back to work. By this time I'm so hopped up on caffine to make it through the day I have a twitch at times and see those tracers in my eyes. Yes, I really am that caffine addicted. I still slowly plug away in the afternoons convincing people that zombies are real, and swineflu causes it. The easiest way I had to do it is when they changed the name to H1N1. Then I just worked it as the official "threat level" name the government uses when it became an obvious problem. I have 3 people now terrified to ever go to Mexico, and another who became a vegetarian over fear of bacon. I gotta give thanks to @thizgurl for helping me put the wheels into motion on that plan. Luckily afternoons pass pretty quickly as that's my mentally stimulating time of the day, and before I know it, it's time to go home to complete my day of raising hell on Twitter.

Still bored at work....

Luckily the day is almost over, but I'm still bored as shit and now possibly losing my mind.
I've had images of strippers dancing in the front corner dancing while zombies eat everyone here.
I need a drink......

Boredom

I've come to realize something in my process of having to start a new job.....
.....training is fucking boring!
I'm running out of things to do in my attempt to not work. Fucking economy.

Our condolences to DeeDee and her family...

The Emo Interview.....

I realize that I'm getting older, and there's going to be things in future generations that I simply don't get.

I'm cool with that....generally. Most times these generational differences are small things like teenagers looking like idiots with shaggy 70's haircuts and those cracker fro's. I want to backhand them like a whore who kept money when I see them, but I can overlook it regardless. I think the idea of looking like an ass clown like this this is a bit strange, but who am I to judge on today's fashion trends.

Anyways, there is one style that has gotten to me. I don't honestly get it, I'm not fond of it, to say the least, and personally I think it's about the dumbest trend I've fucking scene in my many years on this planet. Emo kids. And to be fair, I'm not simply basing my gripe on this to just the way they look. It goes across the board to the mentality, etc.

So last night I'm enjoying another night on Twitter while I'm my unexpected vacation, and I'm talking to @SaskiaMarie, who happens to be an emo. Ok, well in her case not so bad, but close enough. Finally my curiosity just basically gets the best of me, and a basic conversation hatches into a two hours Q&A session about emo culture. Yes, I have issues, I know. Much thanks to Saskia for sticking through the whole thing, and not calling me a total dick and disconnecting the chat. I warn you ahead of time that again, it was a two hour conversation, so it's a lengthy read. This was done out of my own curiosity, and not with the pure intent to piss off all the emo kids. If it does piss you off, you can feel free to kiss my ass or email me at nick@zerointelligenceonline.com to bitch me out. I don't mind.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

first.....wtf is the deal with the hair?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol that's a really hard question >.<>

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

ok....so is there like some kind of pre set emo rules you have to follow?

with the hair, the pants, eyeliner, and being depressed all the time?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol no rules, its just common sense. When I was really into the scene, as long as you had black hair and listened to emo you were emo. Now that the 12-14 year olds have come and ruined it, I don't even know what's happening anymore. I guess the number one rule is too just look as retarded/gay/unconventional as possible xD

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Isn't it odd that emo kids claim to be non conformists although they all look the same?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Oh, definitely. And I've had countless arguments with other emo kids (uninformed online debates about things that are completely irrelevant = emos favorite past time) who still think they're original. Most of them are smart enough to not claim they're emo, but it doesn't change the fact that they look like a million other kids.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

ok so next question.....

why is everyone so sad?

i know that contradicts the whole "emo theme" but shit.......we all have shitty lives in one way or another....what happened to buck up, take it in the chin, and move on?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well, I'm sad 'cause I'm manic-depressive. so I guess I'm not REAL, but for most everyone else: Shockingly, emo is still a minority. And since we're a minority, we feel like we don't fit in. And I guess its just that whole feeling misunderstood thing, but I kinda thought that just came with being a teenager

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but is there really a need to go so far as to change your look up completely and carry a totally off mentality just to say my life is crappy sometimes just like every other person in this world?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I want to say no, there's not. But I also see it this way: We are a canvas and we are artists. The best way to really show someone what you're about is through your clothes and attitude. Preps say "I'm a happy skank" by wearing tight clothes in pretty colors a, and emos say "i'm fucked up" by wearing dark clothes and moping around. DO I make any sense?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

to a point, but it seems a bit extreme.....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you ever stop to ponder that when you get a few years older, that perhaps it wont be so bad and high school is over......so then there's no need for it?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I try not to think so far ahead, that tends to make me more depressed. So maybe that's what's bumming out everyone else, too lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you think your perspective on the future is perhaps just a bit off, which could be causing the whole dilemma.....

such as.....

instead of just looking at the big picture only knowing things are always subject to change

keep one general plan to work on but not let it run you so heavy, so you can still go baby steps and live life per day?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I figured. But let me say you're stepping more into psychology and i'm starting to hate you lol wait, are we still talking emos or me specifically?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

well, both i suppose...you're something of an emo, and were discussing them.....so yeah kinda both i guess

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

so skip that question then?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

yes. lol I keep trying to think of a good answer, but i'm going in circles in my head

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol....we can go back to you.....i guess it was a mix of a question and trying to see if i could convert you for the hell of it all in one

you'll learn there's always a method to my madness

ok so next question.....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you ever see it as a negative that the emo boys are more sensitive than the emo girls....dare i say act like total candy asses sometimes.....

that's a completely biased statement, ill admit

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol yes! I have a lot of gay friends and family members, so I'm cool with gays. But if you're a straight boy, I say fucking act like it. I also say stop stealing my pants and buy some that fit.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

no no no....i'm not talking about the gay ones

they're expected to be sissies, and i say that about all my gay friends

I'm talking about the fucking straight ones

i know guys that call themselves queers that are more manly

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol no, i know. I'm saying the straight guys that share their feelings even when you don't ask, that sulk about everything and spend too much time on their hair - those are not men. or boys. They should be castrated. I suppose some girls might find it attractive, but its not.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

so have you ever considered leading the charge to end emo as a whole due to the corruption in it?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Of course. Believe me, if I knew how to end emo it wouldn't have ever gotten this big. I do my part by explaining to the newer ones that they're idiots, but that's the most anyone can do.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

have you considered being not emo'ish in protest to show others the error of their ways?

Or even a full crusades style cleansing?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I don't act like I used to, and my style's slowly changing. I'll never completely change my style, because this is who I am, but I'm lightening up and hoping some kids will see that everyone grows up and forgets this shit.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough.....

ok branching out from that though....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you worry that the emo culture might continue to grow....becoming its own communist civilization with an emo leader....

envision castro with a purple waterfall haircut

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

no, no, it was Hitler who had the emo swoop.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

No, he had a bad comb over and no shampoo

my vision here...stop fucking it up and go with it

besides, he was a socialist.....not a communist

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmfao good point. Anyway, I pray for the sake of the world that never happens. If it does, I will personally put on a cape and save the fucking world. But I don't see it ever getting that bad. Like I said, everyone grows up. Although, its kind of unnerving that there are more and more emo college students :\

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

It's a legit concern......

I've seen emo's my age.....the regime is coming

Ok, so is there some kind of emo kryptonite?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

not sure. Paris Hilton's vag might work xD

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Ok, we're talking about just a crusade style cleansing on one group. Not nuclear fallout on the whole planet. You need to refer back to the point on thinking too far ahead.

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmfao

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Ok, so what happens when you cut off the bangs. No one has ever tried it before that I know of. Is it like an "Oh no.....I'm mellttttiiinnnnggggg!!!" kinda thing like Wizard of Oz?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I did to cut mine off! They grew back all emo-y. Maybe its the bangs that control everyone. Oh dear God o.O

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

hmmmm

maybe we've found the source of emo power?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Maybe. But I think Pete Wentz lost the bangs awhile back, and he has yet to grow his balls back.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

he had balls?

ok, so is the crap charlotte guy who boned paris hilton blacklisted as an emo?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Benji Madden. Oh man, was my idol from the ages of 7 to 14. Back then I thought I was punk. So, I'm saying he's not emo.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but he wears eye liner

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

punk is dead anyways....emos didn't kill it....rancid did

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

This is true. and Benji worship's Rancid lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

see.....

real punk is sex pistols and misfits.....he's just a cock whore

ok....next question

the singer from AFI....dude or chick? I mean that one with all seriousness.....don't know if that's a candy ass guy, or a butch bitch

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Awe I have to admit, I love Davey Havok (: I refuse to say anything bad about him

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

I'm guessing that's their name?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

yes.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

well you can answer w/o being mean

dude or chick?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well. He was a dude in the 90s :\

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

you’re lying

i don't believe it

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol he was never overly manly, but back then I was pretty sure he was a dude

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

I've put doubt in your mind to that, so next question........

wtf is the damn deal with the fn 2 tone star tats???

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

the nautical stars? I think those have been around forever

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yeah but they weren't inked on everyone and their dog

I'm blaming emo kids for that too

isn't a nautical start a meaning for a sense of direction and looking forward, therefore being a bit of a contradiction?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

haha isn't everything emos do a paradox?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yes...but the contradiction brings up a valid point

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol I don't think you can blame the tattoo on emo. i know a LOT of people that aren't emo that have the star. Its pretty (: ...yeah, okay, i'm losing my brain function.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol

ok next question....

why do emo boys make out with each other but say they're not gay?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Because emo girls supposedly think its hot. The way normal guys like it when girls make out, I guess

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but chicks aren't porking each other in the corn hole.....hotness point is then invalid

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

We watch very different porn. lol I jest. I don't know, I never said I personally found it hot, I'm just saying what makes the most sense to me.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

just trying to understand the logic

ok, moving on......

on one side of the battlefield you have a group of emo boys.....one the other side a group of oompa loompas......who wins the fight?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well...emo boys carry razor blades in their pockets for convenient on-the-go cutting, don't they?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yeah, and how many times do they use them effectively? up the river...not across the stream. That's about as effective as telling someone with no arms to use a bat in a fight

there's been less deaths from emos with razors than ppl who smoke weed. last i checked, the weed number was still at 0

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmao! well, back to the question - Willy Wonka's little minions would obviously win. Not sure why, they're just awesome

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough

i agree with that answer

do you think hot topic to emo's is just a shitty taking advantage of situation by corporate america?

or is it an emo support system?

kinda like the underground railroad

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

well hot topic has been around for a long time :\ back before emo was around, it was a haven for goths and was a more underground thing. Now its taking advantage like you said. The best part is, emos that shop at hot topic are called posers

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

goths are emos, just evolved lol

i figure it as a repackaging for better marketing

ok.....

did papa roach get accepted as emo even though they didn't start dressing like that until way later?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Not that I'm aware of.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough......we don't want em, so yall can have em if ya like

what about powerman 5000?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

er....who?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

they pulled a papa roach

ok i think that'll do it for now....i'm so drowsy i cant think of shit now lol

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

haha alright