Fucking with Samsung chat support

Yes, I got bored again.  I wanted to know when Samsung planned on releasing Android 2.3 for my phone, so I hit up the Samsung chat support team for some info.  Unfortunately I didn't get the first chat copied with Stella which was mildly entertaining, so I decided to go for round 2 for humor.  Enjoy!

 Please wait for a Samsung Agent to respond.

 You are now chatting with 'Vick'. There will be a brief survey at the end of our chat to share feedback on my performance today.

 Your Issue ID for this chat is LTK4380747712X

Vick: Hi, thank you for contacting Samsung Technical Support. How may I help you today?

Visitor: Hi Vick....how are you?

Visitor: Your first name isn't Michael is it?

Vick: Hi, I'm fine.  

Vick: Please go ahead with your question regarding your Samsung mobile phone.

Visitor: Ok, awkward. Anyways.....

Visitor: You're familiar with the Samsung Epic 4G I'm assuming?

Vick: I'm sorry, we are not authorized to share our personal information.

Vick: Yes. Please go ahead with your question regarding EPIC?

Visitor: Ok, here's the deal. I want the 2.3 update.

Visitor: I mean WANT it. Real bad...like a fat kid eyeballing a cake.

Visitor: You can see my level of desperation right?

Vick: I understand that you would like to know the information regarding the Android 2.3 upgrade on the handset, am I correct ?

Visitor: Well yes, as it would be socially unacceptable to put it in my pants as opposed to my phone :D

Visitor: Now here's the problem.....

Visitor: You guys haven't rolled it out yet, which makes me sad.

Visitor: Being a grown man and crying over a phone update doesn't get me many dates.

Vick: Thank you for confirming.

Visitor: I'm guessing you've never done this, so you may not be able to relate.

Vick: I apologize for the inconvenience.

Visitor: Now what I need to know, is when is Samsung releasing this to Sprint, then to us so I'm a happy fat kid with my cake.

Visitor: Errrr.....gingerbread in this case.

Vick: I'm sorry. Unfortunately, as of now there is no official information on the release date of the Android 2.3/Gingerbread from Samsung and you will be notified by the carrier and in the Samsung website when/if the update is released. We are unable to speculate when/if a software revision might be available due to the fact that this might lead to inaccurate information and confusion.

Visitor: Ok, here's my next question.....

Visitor: You have 2.3 out for the Nexus S 4G, which is basically the same exact thing as the Epic.

Visitor: So why not just roll it on out.

Vick: Sure. Please go ahead.

Visitor: Make us all happy :D

Visitor: I want to do cartwheels in my excitement Vick......help me, help you with my cartwheels.

Vick: Please accept my sincere apologizes, I would have surely helped you if I had the information.

Visitor: Do you not find it wrong that they would taunt is with it on one phone, but not the other?

Vick: Should this become available, it will be posted on our website in the Samsung Download Center.

Visitor: I'm smelling the frosting on the cake, and I can't grab it.....

Visitor: Ok, let's make a deal. I have an idea.

Visitor: I'll make you a Gingerbread cookie and mail it to you there. You lovingly roll it up in a nice APK file and shoot it over to my phone with the love in your heart.

Visitor: How does that sound?

Visitor: I'll even make an extra Gingerbread cookie for you to enjoy.

Visitor: You do like Gingerbread cookies right?

Visitor: I'll cut them out to look like 2 dogs fighting Vick.....

Visitor: Or maybe even a falcon or an eagle.

Visitor: Caw!! Caw!!

Visitor: See....bird sounds.

Visitor: I'm trying to work with you here.

Visitor: Vick?

Vick: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

Visitor: What about my offer.

Visitor: This isn't an inconvenience. Inconvenience is realizing your girlfriend bought large condoms when you only fit a medium.

Visitor: So are we going to be left out in the cold, staring through the window in desperation while the happy kids play with Gingerbread?

Vick: Please be professional to continue the chat.

Vick: I would be forced to close the chat, if you use continue using profanity.

Vick: Just to confirm, do you have any technical questions for me?

Visitor: You're right.....I'm sorry. Mentioning a girlfriend is vulgar.

Visitor: Yes, I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do about my super phone.

Visitor: Your ads stated this as the best phone on the market, but I can't get Gingerbread :(

Visitor: See....sad face.

Vick: I'm sorry. As referred there is no information regarding the same.

Visitor: Regarding Gingerbread or my girlfriend who doesn't measure first?

Visitor: I mean I told her it was cold outside....

Vick: Do you have any technical questions on Samsung Mobile devices?

Visitor: Yes, when is 2.3 being released? I heard it's awesome!!!!!

Vick: I am sorry, we do not have information on the release date  of Android 2.3.

Vick: Once it  is released it will be posted on website.

Visitor: I'm sad. Can I have a hug? :(

Vick: As it is going to be new and latest version, you can enjoy the features of Android 2.3

Visitor: Ok so you are releasing it!!!! When should I expect it for my Epic!?!?!?!?!?

Vick: There is on specific release date for the update. Should this become available, it will be posted on our website in the Samsung Download Center.

Visitor: *knock knock*

Visitor: No wait, no should it become available.

Visitor: You just promised me I'd be able to Vick.

Visitor: Now you're sounding sketchy

Vick: Yes. You may install the update when it is released.

Visitor: So you're promising me with all certainty that you will roll out 2.3 for the Epic?

Visitor: And if I have to call Mr Sansungasaki he can vouch for this......

Visitor: Pinky promise me it will be released Vick.

Visitor: Pinky promise me for all the hungry kids in Ethipoia.

Vick: I'm sorry. I see that the update might be released to install and use on your phone.

Visitor: We just went from will be to might be.

Visitor: Vick you're tryin to circle jerk me here....

Visitor: I even offered to bake you a cookie.

Vick: As referred earlier, as of now there is no official information on the release date of the Android 2.3/Gingerbread from Samsung.

Visitor: But you just told me I will be able to enjoy the awesomesauce features, and now you're being an indian giver.

Vick: I apologize for the confusion. We are unable to speculate when/if a software revision might be available due to the fact that this might lead to inaccurate information and confusion.

Visitor: Vick, I hate you now. You've broken my heart, and I take back my offer on the cookie.

Vick: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

Vick: Please accept my sincere apologizes, I would have surely helped you if I had the information.

Visitor: You've broken my heart. How do you plan on fixing that?????

Visitor: Is this how you treat everyone? Get their hopes up, then shove them away?

Vick: I'm sorry. Do you have any technical questions for me?

Visitor: Yes, can I have your girlfriend in exchange for the Gingerbread update?

Visitor: That would be a fair trade.

 Chat session has been terminated by the Samsung Agent.

The Emo Interview.....

I realize that I'm getting older, and there's going to be things in future generations that I simply don't get.

I'm cool with that....generally. Most times these generational differences are small things like teenagers looking like idiots with shaggy 70's haircuts and those cracker fro's. I want to backhand them like a whore who kept money when I see them, but I can overlook it regardless. I think the idea of looking like an ass clown like this this is a bit strange, but who am I to judge on today's fashion trends.

Anyways, there is one style that has gotten to me. I don't honestly get it, I'm not fond of it, to say the least, and personally I think it's about the dumbest trend I've fucking scene in my many years on this planet. Emo kids. And to be fair, I'm not simply basing my gripe on this to just the way they look. It goes across the board to the mentality, etc.

So last night I'm enjoying another night on Twitter while I'm my unexpected vacation, and I'm talking to @SaskiaMarie, who happens to be an emo. Ok, well in her case not so bad, but close enough. Finally my curiosity just basically gets the best of me, and a basic conversation hatches into a two hours Q&A session about emo culture. Yes, I have issues, I know. Much thanks to Saskia for sticking through the whole thing, and not calling me a total dick and disconnecting the chat. I warn you ahead of time that again, it was a two hour conversation, so it's a lengthy read. This was done out of my own curiosity, and not with the pure intent to piss off all the emo kids. If it does piss you off, you can feel free to kiss my ass or email me at nick@zerointelligenceonline.com to bitch me out. I don't mind.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

first.....wtf is the deal with the hair?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol that's a really hard question >.<>

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

ok....so is there like some kind of pre set emo rules you have to follow?

with the hair, the pants, eyeliner, and being depressed all the time?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol no rules, its just common sense. When I was really into the scene, as long as you had black hair and listened to emo you were emo. Now that the 12-14 year olds have come and ruined it, I don't even know what's happening anymore. I guess the number one rule is too just look as retarded/gay/unconventional as possible xD

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Isn't it odd that emo kids claim to be non conformists although they all look the same?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Oh, definitely. And I've had countless arguments with other emo kids (uninformed online debates about things that are completely irrelevant = emos favorite past time) who still think they're original. Most of them are smart enough to not claim they're emo, but it doesn't change the fact that they look like a million other kids.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

ok so next question.....

why is everyone so sad?

i know that contradicts the whole "emo theme" but shit.......we all have shitty lives in one way or another....what happened to buck up, take it in the chin, and move on?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well, I'm sad 'cause I'm manic-depressive. so I guess I'm not REAL, but for most everyone else: Shockingly, emo is still a minority. And since we're a minority, we feel like we don't fit in. And I guess its just that whole feeling misunderstood thing, but I kinda thought that just came with being a teenager

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but is there really a need to go so far as to change your look up completely and carry a totally off mentality just to say my life is crappy sometimes just like every other person in this world?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I want to say no, there's not. But I also see it this way: We are a canvas and we are artists. The best way to really show someone what you're about is through your clothes and attitude. Preps say "I'm a happy skank" by wearing tight clothes in pretty colors a, and emos say "i'm fucked up" by wearing dark clothes and moping around. DO I make any sense?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

to a point, but it seems a bit extreme.....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you ever stop to ponder that when you get a few years older, that perhaps it wont be so bad and high school is over......so then there's no need for it?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I try not to think so far ahead, that tends to make me more depressed. So maybe that's what's bumming out everyone else, too lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you think your perspective on the future is perhaps just a bit off, which could be causing the whole dilemma.....

such as.....

instead of just looking at the big picture only knowing things are always subject to change

keep one general plan to work on but not let it run you so heavy, so you can still go baby steps and live life per day?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I figured. But let me say you're stepping more into psychology and i'm starting to hate you lol wait, are we still talking emos or me specifically?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

well, both i suppose...you're something of an emo, and were discussing them.....so yeah kinda both i guess

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

so skip that question then?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

yes. lol I keep trying to think of a good answer, but i'm going in circles in my head

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol....we can go back to you.....i guess it was a mix of a question and trying to see if i could convert you for the hell of it all in one

you'll learn there's always a method to my madness

ok so next question.....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you ever see it as a negative that the emo boys are more sensitive than the emo girls....dare i say act like total candy asses sometimes.....

that's a completely biased statement, ill admit

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol yes! I have a lot of gay friends and family members, so I'm cool with gays. But if you're a straight boy, I say fucking act like it. I also say stop stealing my pants and buy some that fit.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

no no no....i'm not talking about the gay ones

they're expected to be sissies, and i say that about all my gay friends

I'm talking about the fucking straight ones

i know guys that call themselves queers that are more manly

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol no, i know. I'm saying the straight guys that share their feelings even when you don't ask, that sulk about everything and spend too much time on their hair - those are not men. or boys. They should be castrated. I suppose some girls might find it attractive, but its not.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

so have you ever considered leading the charge to end emo as a whole due to the corruption in it?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Of course. Believe me, if I knew how to end emo it wouldn't have ever gotten this big. I do my part by explaining to the newer ones that they're idiots, but that's the most anyone can do.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

have you considered being not emo'ish in protest to show others the error of their ways?

Or even a full crusades style cleansing?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I don't act like I used to, and my style's slowly changing. I'll never completely change my style, because this is who I am, but I'm lightening up and hoping some kids will see that everyone grows up and forgets this shit.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough.....

ok branching out from that though....

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

do you worry that the emo culture might continue to grow....becoming its own communist civilization with an emo leader....

envision castro with a purple waterfall haircut

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

no, no, it was Hitler who had the emo swoop.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

No, he had a bad comb over and no shampoo

my vision here...stop fucking it up and go with it

besides, he was a socialist.....not a communist

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmfao good point. Anyway, I pray for the sake of the world that never happens. If it does, I will personally put on a cape and save the fucking world. But I don't see it ever getting that bad. Like I said, everyone grows up. Although, its kind of unnerving that there are more and more emo college students :\

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

It's a legit concern......

I've seen emo's my age.....the regime is coming

Ok, so is there some kind of emo kryptonite?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

not sure. Paris Hilton's vag might work xD

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Ok, we're talking about just a crusade style cleansing on one group. Not nuclear fallout on the whole planet. You need to refer back to the point on thinking too far ahead.

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmfao

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

Ok, so what happens when you cut off the bangs. No one has ever tried it before that I know of. Is it like an "Oh no.....I'm mellttttiiinnnnggggg!!!" kinda thing like Wizard of Oz?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

I did to cut mine off! They grew back all emo-y. Maybe its the bangs that control everyone. Oh dear God o.O

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

hmmmm

maybe we've found the source of emo power?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Maybe. But I think Pete Wentz lost the bangs awhile back, and he has yet to grow his balls back.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

he had balls?

ok, so is the crap charlotte guy who boned paris hilton blacklisted as an emo?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Benji Madden. Oh man, was my idol from the ages of 7 to 14. Back then I thought I was punk. So, I'm saying he's not emo.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but he wears eye liner

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

punk is dead anyways....emos didn't kill it....rancid did

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

This is true. and Benji worship's Rancid lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

see.....

real punk is sex pistols and misfits.....he's just a cock whore

ok....next question

the singer from AFI....dude or chick? I mean that one with all seriousness.....don't know if that's a candy ass guy, or a butch bitch

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Awe I have to admit, I love Davey Havok (: I refuse to say anything bad about him

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

I'm guessing that's their name?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

yes.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

well you can answer w/o being mean

dude or chick?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well. He was a dude in the 90s :\

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

you’re lying

i don't believe it

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol he was never overly manly, but back then I was pretty sure he was a dude

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

I've put doubt in your mind to that, so next question........

wtf is the damn deal with the fn 2 tone star tats???

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

the nautical stars? I think those have been around forever

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yeah but they weren't inked on everyone and their dog

I'm blaming emo kids for that too

isn't a nautical start a meaning for a sense of direction and looking forward, therefore being a bit of a contradiction?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

haha isn't everything emos do a paradox?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yes...but the contradiction brings up a valid point

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lol I don't think you can blame the tattoo on emo. i know a LOT of people that aren't emo that have the star. Its pretty (: ...yeah, okay, i'm losing my brain function.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

lol

ok next question....

why do emo boys make out with each other but say they're not gay?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Because emo girls supposedly think its hot. The way normal guys like it when girls make out, I guess

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

but chicks aren't porking each other in the corn hole.....hotness point is then invalid

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

We watch very different porn. lol I jest. I don't know, I never said I personally found it hot, I'm just saying what makes the most sense to me.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

just trying to understand the logic

ok, moving on......

on one side of the battlefield you have a group of emo boys.....one the other side a group of oompa loompas......who wins the fight?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Well...emo boys carry razor blades in their pockets for convenient on-the-go cutting, don't they?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

yeah, and how many times do they use them effectively? up the river...not across the stream. That's about as effective as telling someone with no arms to use a bat in a fight

there's been less deaths from emos with razors than ppl who smoke weed. last i checked, the weed number was still at 0

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

lmao! well, back to the question - Willy Wonka's little minions would obviously win. Not sure why, they're just awesome

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough

i agree with that answer

do you think hot topic to emo's is just a shitty taking advantage of situation by corporate america?

or is it an emo support system?

kinda like the underground railroad

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

well hot topic has been around for a long time :\ back before emo was around, it was a haven for goths and was a more underground thing. Now its taking advantage like you said. The best part is, emos that shop at hot topic are called posers

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

goths are emos, just evolved lol

i figure it as a repackaging for better marketing

ok.....

did papa roach get accepted as emo even though they didn't start dressing like that until way later?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

Not that I'm aware of.

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

fair enough......we don't want em, so yall can have em if ya like

what about powerman 5000?

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

er....who?

Nick [Myndflip Studios]

they pulled a papa roach

ok i think that'll do it for now....i'm so drowsy i cant think of shit now lol

SaskiaMarie [Skrll]

haha alright

Chat Fun With Stacy

Ok, so I'm gonna throw up another little chat log. A bit of back story first about Stacy and why she's even relevant to anything....

Stacy is the one who does the photo modeling for the Myndflip Radio banners for us. You can check them out at myndflip.com and clicking the banners link. Anyways, it's worked out to be a cool deal. She doesn't hit us up for money, which makes me happy, and we get some kick ass banners while she just has fun with it. So anyways, Stacy and I have this odd she wants to kill me but just can't quite pull the trigger kind of thing going. Although she throws me as much shit as I return, it's always technically my fault. So I caught up with her on messenger this evening since I haven't talked to her in the last couple of days. And before you ask, yes, she always starts off any conversation we have my calling me a punk, slut, or something similar. It's her own special way of saying hello, so I simply just follow suit....
Nick [Myndflip]: punk
stacy: ass
Nick [Myndflip]: heh
Nick [Myndflip]: whats up hun?
stacy: not much. bout to go to bed... lol
stacy: u?
Nick [Myndflip]: this early?
Nick [Myndflip]: wtf
stacy: ive been up since 4am!
Nick [Myndflip]: ouch
Nick [Myndflip]: whats this surgery shit you mentioned?
stacy: yep.. it sucks
stacy: blah
Nick [Myndflip]: whats it for?
stacy: they hafta "break" my jaw
stacy: and re align it
stacy: haha
Nick [Myndflip]: what the hell did you do to it?
stacy: nothing.. its just not "balanced"
Nick [Myndflip]: causing you pain?
stacy: nope
Nick [Myndflip]: so why do you have to do surgery instead of ignoring it?
stacy: because thats what the dr recommends
stacy: grr
Nick [Myndflip]: ok so you wont remove your tonils which is causing an immediate issue, but youll have someone break your jaw for no real reason?
stacy: haha.
stacy: i know. im totally weird
Nick [Myndflip]: shit save some money and drive down here....ill break the thing for ya....
Nick [Myndflip]: so much cheaper
Nick [Myndflip]: plus itll amuse the shit outta me
stacy: haha. im not payin for it
stacy: so BOOYA
Nick [Myndflip]: but youre still missing the my amusement part here....very important
stacy: shut up
stacy: punkass
stacy: lol
Nick [Myndflip]:
Nick [Myndflip]: so how long is your head gonna be wired like an FCC nightmare?
stacy: grr....
stacy: see, too much info in your hands is dangerous
Nick [Myndflip]: lol
Nick [Myndflip]: lies
stacy: truths
Nick [Myndflip]: i know how they do most of that....dated this chick who was supposed to have it done. I supported that one cause it fd with the way she talked and it annoyed the piss out of me
Nick [Myndflip]: how logn did they say youll be down?
Nick [Myndflip]: i swear to god i wont make a shit remark out of it
stacy: lies
Nick [Myndflip]: hey if i promise ya something its done
Nick [Myndflip]: try me...
Nick [Myndflip]: ok fine then dont
stacy: grr
Nick [Myndflip]: oh calm down
Nick [Myndflip]: well regardless of that, i hope you make a speedy recovery
Nick [Myndflip]: and you better make sure to keep me updated
Nick [Myndflip]: ill even refrain from jokes
stacy: will do homeslice
Nick [Myndflip]: what time you have to be at work tomorrow?
stacy: 720am
stacy: and i have to work ALL DAY
stacy: AND ALL DAY FRIDAY
Nick [Myndflip]: wtf
stacy: AND 750AM - NOON ON SATURDAY
Nick [Myndflip]: why again?
stacy: because the dudes fiances water broke today at 6am.. so he wont be able to work the rest of the week
stacy: GAY
Nick [Myndflip]: i thought she already popped out that fatheaded bastid
stacyc12: nope.. last time it was a false alarm
Nick [Myndflip]: ghey
stacy: very
Nick [Myndflip]: tell her to close her fn legs next time and get a damn hobby....shes becoming an inconvenience
stacy: lol
stacy: totally
stacy: no thank yous to stacy for her pictures??
stacy: i just read your bulletin
stacy: ha
Nick [Myndflip]: hey now...ive thanked you a million times
Nick [Myndflip]: such an attention whore lol
stacy: i see how you roll...
Nick [Myndflip]: and yes.....tytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytyty
stacy: jerk
stacyc12: haha
Nick [Myndflip]: nothing but love punk
stacy: word.
Nick [Myndflip]: so when is the surgery?
stacy: bout 2wks
Nick [Myndflip]: weak
stacy: totally
Nick [Myndflip]: gonna bailk for a bit to find food...ill txt ya if youre up still
stacy has signed out. (3/11/2009 10:18 PM)
Last message received on 3/11 at 7:56 PM

This is the normal every day conversation with her. I even sent over a couple of texts later on giving her more shit about it. I think one mentioned a human pez machine. I love my friends.
Speedy recovery slut!!