Thanks Guys....Really

We really didn't want to make the playoffs this year....

I mean we only signed an unproven QB to a huge contract, gave up a ton of draft pics for a receiver mid season to help out the crybaby receiver we already have, and have to pay a ton in local taxes toward that new stadium. No.....we didn't want playoffs at all. Just because Miami turned it around from winning one game last season to winning division this year means nothing.

Get Whitey In A Bag!

Kiss My Ass Santa

Ok, so after working at Circuit City for a year and a half, and Dell for four years I've made a decision.....I basically hate Christmas now.

Last minute shoppers I think could safely be placed on the bottom of the food chain, and their only purpose in life is to completely piss me off. Somehow their stupidity in life for tryin to buy everything on their list when no stores have shit left, is my fault. Honestly, the crybaby adults that can't handle the reality of us not having anymore Nintendo DS units are worse than their snot nosed bastard kids that have to have them.

Here's an idea.....stop being a fucking moron and shop in advance. And just because you've driven to every other store in town doesn't mean I can pull that Ipod Touch out of my ass to accommodate you. So no....you won't be getting your bastard child , yes you are a horrible parent now. Your kids will hate you this year. You suck..deal with it.

Despite the bullshit, there have obviously been some positives to the holidays. I'm now rocking a new Ipod Nano. And yes, your kids didn't get one and I did. Ha ha ha....fuck you!

Another upside, I got to see the biggest caucasian afro in my fucking life. And to top it off, it was an old ladies afro so it was the big curl silver kinda shit. The thing was fucking magnificent!!

Click the image for the full size pic.

Now this took some real work to sneak these pics. I had to ninja stealth up and down the printer aisle with my camera phone to get them. You come in so handy my little Palm Centro. And yes, I know, it may seem stupid to some to take pics of this poor unsuspecting old lady. But fuck that, this is one HUGE freakin afro. Every member of the Jackson 5 couldn't pull this off.

Ok, so after that I'm thinking this is gonna top off my "WTF happened to you?" hair fix, but not so much. Me and the woman decide to go to Golden Corral a couple of days later for my birthday. Well, I decided we're going to eat there. It's my birthday, so fuck it. Anyways, we're sitting in the car so I can finish off my smoke and there's this freakishly amazing mullett that gets out of a Chevy Avalanche. Let's get one thing clear. A good mullett is one thing in life you have to admire. Well, you actually have to admire the work put into a good mullett, and then also appreciate the huge balls of the person who wears it. Being in Texas, I get more opportunities than most to witness them. And yes, my little Centro is there for the save again.

Again, clicky clicky for the bigger image...

This thing blew my fucking mind. As we got into the car and headed inside, I couldn't help but stare. And her redneck husband with the fucked up comb over haircut and mechanic shirt just added the perfect compliment to this.

So yeah, the idiot shoppers made my holiday kinda shitty, and hell they still are. We've got jackasses coming in even today pissed off cause we don't have shit back in stock yet.

Lick.My.Fucking.Sack.

At least now it's almost all over, and I do at least get some satisfaction in ruining their kids holiday dreams.

Holy Fucking Gobstopper Buttplugs....

Ok so I just got home from work, and DK was sitting around playing Warcraft and watching some shit on TV. Anyways, whatever show that's on ends, and the original version of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory comes on. Not normally what I'd watch, but it's a half-ass amusing movie so I figured I'd watch it while I fuck around online.

Fucking dirty shitballs....this movie is NOTHING like I remember it when I was a kid. So in watching this disturbing story of bullshit, I've learned a few things.

First, poor people are not only dillusional, but completely fucking retarted. You're fucking poor, so fucking deal with it. Don't fill your little bastard child with false hope that he's gonna win some 1 in 1,000,000,000 luckshot and get the riches and spoils that go along with it. It's not going to happen, so don't make him go crying his head off after getting shot back down into reality. Seriously, it's just fucking cruel.

"But I am different. I want it more than anyone."

Boo-fn-hoo. Keep crying you little wuss. Let me enjoy the sweet nectar of your tears as you realized life has just kicked you in the balls. Now go eat your cabbage water dinner. And if you're so damn poor that your 4 grandparents have to share the same bed, why the hell are you wasting money on candy bars? How about regular food, the electric bill, or fixing the holes in your floor. You're poor, you suck.

As for Charlie winning the ticket. I call bullshit on that one. I HAVE to call bullshit on that. He's got his place in life for a reason. You can't fuck up the order of society and ruin my climb to the top. Besides, I have to have someone to serve my fries at the drive-thru.

Next.....why the hell do none of the parents in this movie not discipline their kids??? Not one backhand and a shut your fucking trap!! This is crap! If I had a kid who talked to me like that, I'd jerk his head backwards by the hair and kick him in the spine. Paralysis works wonders when it comes to disciplinary issues.

Finally...this is what has creeped me out the most. This whole candyman thing at the beginning.

This motherfucker screams pedophile more than anything I've ever seen in my life. And that includes every episode of Barney ever made. Are you fucking serious? Someone actually thought it was a good idea to leave their kids alone with this freak...do you hate your kids?

What amazes me is this guy is actually free. I could safely bet money there's some kind of hidden rape room in that store. I think the dark chocolate candybar on the top is a secret door switch. Try a Wonkascrumpdiddlyumptious.....yeah that's code word you sick bastard.

The "golden ticket" is nothing more than a grandpass to get your kid butt-plugged. Have fun thinking about that mom and dad.

Mugshot Goodness

Looks like the police got some more prostitutes off the streets. Let's check out these hot...OH, GOD, MY EYES. THEY'RE BURNING!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

And now for something that makes me happy.....

The new Mac commercials are out! I hate Apple and think Steve Job's is the biggest Fascist ever, but the commercials are funny as shit.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDo28yDdH38&hl=en&fs=1]

YAY! We Got Ranked!

Ok so this is really more of a bad thing, but hell I figure if we're gonna fuck something up we might as well do it right and get ranked in some online poll or something.

Anyways....a website called Advertising Age, aka Ad Age (link here), did their "Consumerist's Top 10 Business Debacles Of The Year 2008" column highlighting the worst Business fuck-ups of 2008. Now at first I questioned the validity of us being in this list, seeing as there were so many other options with bank and auto manufacturer bailouts. But then I realized The Consumerist wrote the actual article and it all made sense. Those guys absolutely hate our company, and they would never post anything inaccurate about us. The thought of that is rediculous. I guess it doesn't bleed as bad since we only ranked 8th.

8. CIRCUIT CITY GOES BANKRUPT

Although it's just one of a bevy of retail failures this year, Circuit City is certainly the most high-profile. Dozens of pundits have tried to pinpoint the moment that Circuit City began its decline. A popular place to start is March 2007, when Circuit City fired more than 3,000 of its most experienced salespeople and replaced them with cheaper labor. In any case, nothing Circuit City has tried since (including offering $1 million "retention" bonuses to executives) has managed to stop the bleeding.

Fuck you guys. Fuck you all in the goat ass. We will turn around, you'll be pissed that we did, and then we'll hire Ethiopian immigrants to eat your babies.

Holy Sweet Fucking Jesus

I have just managed to rub my penis raw because of this......
I can now die happy.

Santa Hates You...

...because I had Sonic for dinner and you didn't. Therefore, Santa must think you're a complete crackwhore. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!Ok enough of my uberness for now....

Ok so my boy T and his girl split up today, so me and DK had to cheer him up. It's the good thing to do right? Of course. We couldn't have him being all bummed out or anything, so we decided what better to cheer him up than to talk about the hawtness of midgets!? Ok, so more amusing for me personally, but hell it worked. Who can resist this anyways?
Is that not the hottest shit ever? Now one question is this....if I jump in that is it still a threesome, or do you only count them as halves and write it off as one person? If you get a midget stripper/hooker, do you only pay half price? Why is it no one can give me a straight answer to that? I hate you all.

And girlfriends are stupid for making me even think about this......

Nick Tries Cyber-Sex, Fails Miserably

Ok so a while back I'm chillin at home, and get a message on Yahoo for some hey I'm horny let's fuck crap. Normally I ignore them, but I figured this time I'd give it a shot and see what happens. Dirty whores have to do something to feed their bastard kids right? Yeah not so much. Why do I have to get the noob net-whore with ADHD?

The top line or two of the chat log is missing since it started in an offline message cause I was AFK for a bit.

Nick: and you would be?
coolcamladie547896 : hpld on a minute. be right back
coolcamladie547896 : ok im back. sorry boit that. still there?
Nick: yep
coolcamladie547896 : oh your tthere hi...
Nick: how goes it?
coolcamladie547896 : a/s/l (age sex location))?
Nick: 26/m/tx
Nick: u?
coolcamladie547896 : im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
coolcamladie547896 : so what have you been up to mentallyproovoked?
Nick: work...just got home..u?
coolcamladie547896 : cool. i was just hangin out wwatching tv. i was getting kinda horny (*blushes)
coolcamladie547896 : oh no not work... thats a 4 letter word yoou know..
Nick: sounds like fun
Nick: ummm...well...gotta pay bills
coolcamladie547896 : feel like a lottle cyber fun with me ? please please...
coolcamladie547896 : lol. the website is just something i do to make ends meet. theres lots of free lics on there anyway.
Nick: what site
coolcamladie547896 : i think ill just take that as a yes... being as that imm starting to get real horny here.. lol ok?
Nick: what website are you talkin about?
coolcamladie547896 : alright how bout i get down oon my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
Nick: i hate repeating myself
coolcamladie547896 : tell me what you want me to do with you while i slip out of my panties
Nick: run a train for a pack of pigmes that only have 3 toes on each foot and wear hard hats.....and they must have purple hair......while pleasing all of them at once, you must yell out yes daddy i want to live in walla walla land and eat marshmallows while i play in the tulips
Nick: can this be arranged or is it a bit too rough for ya?
Nick: oh and i wont participate.......i dont fuck midgets......ill just let you do it since youre a dirty whore with no life
Nick: deal?
Nick: if so ill join your little site so you can pay your electric and diapers for your 10 crack babies
Nick: hmmmmm...guess i dont make you horny anymore..........

Personally I thought the midget idea was kinda hot.

Greatest Bill Collection EVER

No need to commentate this one, it totally speaks for itself.....
Click the thumbnail for the full image

So Close to Freedom

Ok so I'm still at work riding out this last 45min to the day, and I'm seriously stoked. Knock out Monday, and I've got myself a 3 day weekend. Ok, well it's not technically a 3 day "weekend" seeing as it's Tue-Thur, but fuck it....close enough. I've been so overworked between the job and outside crap the last few weeks that I need some good time off. I think I might even turn my phone off to piss off my boss. No email or texts....oh my!

I'm still not real fond of having to come back to Black Friday hours, but piss on it. It'll be worth it. Ok, so even better......I'm down to 41min at this point! Yes, I am losing it. I'm so damn bored it's unheard of. There isn't shit to do right now. I just completed the agonizing and difficult task of reloading Windows on a PC. And yes, I'm lazy and cheat, so I used the recovery partition. I know I'm terrible.

Technically I could work on this other system that came in, but fuck it's late coming in and I wouldn't get much done. Besides, the guy is a douchebag and always tries to get freebies out of us. He can wait.

I think the smartest thing I eve did was start taking my laptop to work. I at least retain some sanity this way.....

Damn You Black Friday

Ok, so I'm really not anticipating this at all. AT ALL. Whoever thought of the whole Black Friday, and then thought it was a good idea, needs to be punched in the face. Yeah, it's good for business cause we sell so much shit, but give us a fucking break.

Let me give a little perspective of the employee to the customer, so perhaps you'll get some kind of clue to things before you walk in. Despite how much we try to smile, we do NOT like this day.
The hours absolutely suck. We have to get here at like 3am. Translation, I go to bed around 4-5pm the previous day, and Thanksgiving is shot unless I get it all done noon the previous day. We get the pleasure of pulling into the parking lot to a huge line of people already griping.
Let me make one thing totally clear. YOU are the dumbass who decided to camp our overnite for the sales. Don't gett pissy with us.
So we go in, make the last minute rounds, then go outside to start handing out vouchers for sale items. Let me make one thing clear. Not all the customers are total douchebags. There are some really cool ones that make the day better. However there are plenty that seem to think their inconvenience of being in line is our issue. However, I'm a reasonable man. I'll be compassionate to your cause while I stand inside a warm building, and you're freezing outside to the point of your balls shrinking so much you change your name to Jose Canseco.
Ok, so we finally open the doors. The cattle come herding in and of course they have to be counted off and limited capacity so to stay in fire code. Then people get pissed at that. What....would you like us to fill over building capacity so the fire marshall can come shut us down? Great idea, then we all get kicked out and eveyone wasted their night.
It's at this point that I'm really greatful for the cool people that come in. No one really likes the whole situation, but regardless, we're all stuck in it somehow. Do yourselves a favor, and don't stand there bitching to me about having to stand in line for an hour to check out. I'm in this building from 3a-10p you asshole!!!
Fuck you, fuck your $300 cheap shit desktop, and fuck your $50 GPS unit. Fuck you in the goat ass. You are the worst thing about this pain in the ass of a day, and things could go so much easie for us all if you would shut your trap.
But on a positive note, thanks to all the people who do try to stay positive. You guys fucking rock!!!!
And just to give you a sample of the insanity in case you've never been there for a Black Friday, here's a little video shot a year or two ago of when they unlock the doors
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEokUVnVWe4&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&border=1]

I Hate You Sprint

You get my hopes up with your promises of text messaging, mobile web browsing, smart phone technology, and a great customer experience....and then you crush them all!!

Is it too much to ask that I send or receive a fucking text message within a reasonable amount of time?? Here I am trying to relay messages to my Save the Children advocates, and you're killing me here. There are poor starving pot-bellied Ethiopian kids that I could be shipping Snickers bars to (for a tax write-off), and you're cutting off my communications and methods of doing so. They're starving.......poor kids.......you're starving them!! I'm trying to fulfill my duties as a fucking humanitarian here.

I can't even get the simplest pleasures in life like reading ESPN while I crap! What kind of monsters are you? How is a man supposed to survive with no bathroom reading material??? It completely eliminates the balance and tranquility that someone deserves.
Hey I know, I'll call someone instead! I don't actually call people that much anymore, as I seem to be akwardly addicted to texting now instead. I guess 4 years on the phones at that shithole of Dell burned me when it comes to hearing a human voice over a phone. Ok, so well the phone call thing was the idea I was working on, until I walk outside to try this undisturbed and realize I have no signal at all. WTF!?!?! I'm in the happy part of your coverage map. I've looked at it in person! How is it I stand outside in the middle of town and there isn't shit for bars?
Dammit I wish my service plan wasn't so cheap. I'm gonna beg the Verizon lady to try and hook me up tomorrow.

Ask a PC Tech!

So I've been in this business for a pretty good while now, years to be exact, and I've run across a host of completely idiotic, dumb shit questions in my days. I figured I'd share some with you, and will probably make this a recurring thing. So let's get started....
"Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"
Aren't cables always sold seperately?

"Can you reset the Internet for me?"
Absolutely! Let me call Al Gore real quick to get that handled. I have him on speed dial.

"If I put in a PSone game in my PS2, will it make it looks like PS2 graphics? Why not?!"
Because you have to buy an Atari to do that. Everyone knows that!!

"I filled in the form. Do I click on 'Continue' or 'Cancel' at the bottom?"
Well...that's a hard one.

"It says my password has a capital and a number. Does it need a capital number?"
You're so smart. Of course it does. Here's your cookie = )

"What do I need to do to add more jiggabytes to my computer?"
Ummmmmm.......call Jay-Z?

I hate all of you...................

It's Time to Re-Introduce Myself....

Ok, so I kind of forgot this blog was here. I guess I got a bit bored with it, and just kind of blew it off. I just happened to be tinkering around with my stuff attached to my Gmail account and saw it. As I sat here tonight watching CSI and the news, I pondered doing something with it, and if so, what?

So after sitting here bored off my ass learning about inbreeders in Ecuador who make midget babies with cancer, I decided why not do something. That something NOT being one of those Sally Struthers charities for the midgets...I meant do something with the blog.

So I thought to myself.....self....what should I do with it? Various options of subjects to choose from. I've finally decided fuck it, I'll just talk about my life. Yeah hi, I'm the asshole who fixes your computer.

I'm the one who watches you cry in the middle of the store about how important your computer is and how badly you have to have it back immediately, despite the fact I have 7 other systems to fix that came in before yours. I'm the guy who has to listen to you bitch because you're the idiot who got some virus that trashed your whole system, and now you realize the value of backing up after you lose your kids baby pictures and I can't recover them. I'm the one who gets to play CSI and try to figure out how you trashed your computer while you swear innocence.

It honestly amazes me what people do to their computers.

I'm also the guy who gets an honest perspective for the new electronics out when I get a chance to tinker with them. I'm the one people ask for honesty seeing as they aren't sent to me for reviews as part of an advertising deal. And hell if they were, I'd probably still talk shitty about them if I didn't like them cause I could care less anyways.

So what do I do exactly you ask? I work at Circuit City. I'm the one who runs PC repairs. Overall, it's a pretty kick ass job. I get paid to fix computers basically, and I meet some really cool people along the way. I also meet alot of douchebags in the process. Of course, that's to be expected. Despite those douchebags, my job rocks and I wouldn't give it up for shit. I've been there for a little over a year now. Before that, I pulled a 4 year stint at Dell. Learned a good bit there, made a nice amount of cash, and realized you can run a big company with a shitload of monkeys and still stay in business.

So yes, this will be my ranting. Yes, this will be me mocking every idiot I run across. Hell for fun I'll even occasionally bitch about electronics I don't like for that whole professional review angle I've been working on. Oh, and if it's an Apple product, I'll automatically hate it.


Now this won't be just technology, but alot of content will be technology related in one way or another. Hell my life revolves around it, even simple shit like me complaining about work. But actually I'm pretty good at bitching at just about everything, so I'll make sure there's definite variety. = )