Hello Stupid

Meet Bonnie Miller....she is a fucking moron.

She is a prime example of why you should pay attention to shit while you're texting, despite the idea that we like to pretend everything just moves aside from us.  This is certainly not the case, especially when it comes to a large body of water.  Mrs. Miller was texting someone while walking with her husband and son and in only 3 words went overboard.

"I had set an appointment for the wrong time and so I sent about three words," Miller described.  "Next thing you know it was the water."

Is it really that difficult to stop for a moment, shoot a text off, then walk again?  Perhaps she just shouldn't be allowed to carry a phone anymore.  Regardless, she's now a candidate for jackass of the year.

So yeah, just to save your humility and avoid bodily harm, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO SHIT!

And in the spirit of stupidity to keep this post entertaining, here's some videos I found of other assclowns that further prove my point....

Texas Tweetup...Come Meet the Legend!! #TXtweetup

Oh fuck yes!!!!

We're gonna fuck shit up in Dallas on March 31st!  Time to round up everyone and see how quick we can get drunk and arrested.  : D

Everyone is invited even if you live out of state.  We still got love for you too.  I'll be up there sometime Friday so we can start hanging out then. Come out and meet the FN icon himself!!!

All the info is on the link below.  Make sure you go to it and hit the reservation for the event.  Now stop fucking around and go register.  You'll get an email with the confirmation and tickets and such.  I'm hoping by Tuesday I'll have info on group rates for hotels for anyone who doesn't have a hookup on a place to stay.   Email me if you have any fn questions on this shit.  Start planning now assholes, I don't do meet and greet shit much.  Sobriety normally doesn't allow for it hahahahhaahahaha.

Click this link RIGHT THE FUCK HERE to get your ass registered, and keep checking back here or my twitter page for info.

NickTheFNicon@gmail.com

The Day in Pictures

Today has been a rather interesting day.  Me and Kev were just out running errands and trying not to die of heat stroke, and saw some of the oddest shit I didn't think I'd ever run across.

So to start, general run of the mill day.  Game plan is to hit up a couple of novelty stores to cop some shit for the studio and dress it up a bit, then hit the grocery store and pick up some shit for the deep fryer later on.  Nothing spectacular at all.  This is figured with good reason to be a boring afternoon.

So we hit the novelty store and decide we're gonna get some metal band banners to hang up.  Found one for Slayer which was a score, and another from the old And Justice for All album from Metallica.  Pics for those sometime later once we get it all set up.

Anyways.....still uneventful.  Next stop is the liquor store.  Had to restock the Jager supply.  This is absolute necessity.

This always makes for good times.  Anyways, pick this up and Jenny decides she wants to go across the street and get Baskin Robbins.  We're down with that.  So we park and head to the door to go in, and I can't believe what I'm seeing.  This fool has a truck all beat to shit on the drivers side, with NO FUCKING DOOR.  Why the fuck do you drive around with a fucking door missing?  And why the fuck does running a chain across it like it's a roller coaster seem like a good idea???

I thought I did well just to snap a couple of pics of this when I got there.  Notice the awesome chain used to replace the door.  I'm sure this is TOTALLY safe and street legal.

Imagine my surprise when the owner and his buddy end up leaving the same time as I do.  These pics really confirm the awesomeness of the chain door replacement.  All auto makers should look into this option.  I'm sure it's just as safe as a normal door, but more aerodynamic with better gas mileage.

So I'm thinking to myself, I have the highlight of my day now.  This is fucking awesome, and nothing can beat it.  Especially since the next stop is the grocery store.  I hate that place in general, but more so on weekends.

I don't do well in grocery stores, and today was no exception.  When me and Kevin are in the same place together it's worse.  We both have an issue in places like this where we get bitchy after being in there too long, and start to talk shit to well......anyone.  Just ask the random chick who weighed as much as a buffalo and chose to wear real short shorts and boots.  She was made full aware beer goggles is the only way she'll get any dick.

So finally we're done with the store.  Thankfully...

So we pull out of the parking lot, and not 15 yards down the street there's cop cars and what appears to be a wreck.  This is nothing new on that part of Hewitt Drive.  With all the stores in that area and being right off the highway, people drive like total fucktards and hit eachother all the.  We creep by, and I'll be damned if this motherfuckers car isn't upside down in the turn lane.  How.....the......fuck.......????

I know you can flip a car.  The physics are obvious.  This particular area though most people only do around 30 or so there despite the 50 MPH limit just because of the lights and all the stores they're always going into.  I wish we could have pulled over to find out how the fuck he managed to pull this off.

What really made this great when we drove by is this cat was on the other side leaned up against the car and smoking like he was just hanging out waiting on someone.  Like this shit never happened. 

HEY MOTHERFUCKER....YOUR FUCKING CAR IS UPSIDE DOWN IN CASE YOU DIDNT NOTICE!!!!

Yes, @chrissyteigen is now the Most Awesome Model Ever

Here's a bit of old school math for everyone.....

What do you get when you take a super hot swimsuit model who's in the Madden NFL Pigskin Pro-Am game.....

Then add to that an excessive amount of Gatorade drinking while sitting on the sidelines looking cute for the cameras.....

Remember kids.....we covered this in grade school. What does it equal?






Projectile vomiting with reckless abandon and one hell of a tweet to accompany it!

Yes, from what I hear, she took out 4 small children and an elderly woman in the process. Ok, I totally made that shit up, but it sounds real good doesn't it?


I'm now in absolute lust, and she must have my children. That it all.


If someone has pics/vid of this incident, email them to me ASAP!!