Bitches love smiley faces

No a/c, electrical mishaps, and surprise buttsex

So the worst thing that can happen to you if you live in Texas is to lose your a/c during the summer time.  It gets fucking hot here...VERY FUCKING HOT.  We don't get the luxury of dry heat.  It's that fun humid shit that makes you feel like you're having a heat stroke when you take the trash out.

On to the topic of this.....guess what happened to me today?  I'm sitting outside last night smoking on the patio and I hear a nice whining noise.  It sounded like one of the a/c units, but I'm no fucking expert.  Plus there's 4 units down there so all I could do was hope it wasn't mine.  I still had cold air, and it was 3am, so fuck it.

I wasn't so lucky this morning when I woke up sweating like a whore on ship leave.  The fucking unit outside isn't doing shit, and the vents are blowing out normal air.  Oh....fuck.....

So I call the office, and the maintenance guys show up a couple of hours later.  It's 100 fucking degrees outside, and my soon to be ex apartment is approaching 90.  This isn't good, at all.  Yes, I know the filter icon is on.  That just happened a day or so ago, not the cause of the issue.

I was hoping they would send actual a/c techs.  Instead I have the amateur repair crew who's learning on the fly how to fix one, and how electrical current works.  One of them already shocked themselves, and the other came close.  Now I know it's been some years since I've been in college and took my AC/DC classes, but common sense still tells me to kill the fucking breaker first before I fuck with the wiring.

They learned this lesson after the fact.

So they've been out there for a couple of hours or so now and potentially exhausted everything they can think to do.  Rewired it, replaced condenser, stare at it, etc.

(Giving it the cold stare of fear)

I must say the following strategy deployed is something I NEVER learned in college, and will now be going to TSTC for Monday to get a full refund of my tuition paid because of.

Jabbing it.....with a fucking stick.  I can't make this shit up, and I had to get pics just to prove it to myself.

I must say they've attempted to replace shit on this thing that I could never have imagined.  However I am absolutely shocked, SHOCKED I tell you that poking it with a stick has not IMMEDIATELY restored my once precious and treasured cold air.  It would seem that after the stick jabbing, I am simply not worthy of cold  a/c and I now accept this fate in life.

BTW.....they're still outside giving it the death stare.

So I figure ok, while I'm writing this post I'll go outside for another smoke.  Check progrress, hope for the best.  Normal shit ya know?

The next attempt if something I never thought I would see in my life, and I am horrified that it ever took place. My poor a/c will never be the same again.......they gave it.....

SURPRISE BUTTSEX!!!!!

What......the.......FUCK MAN!?!?!!?!!?!  There's fucking kids outside and you're ass-rangling my fucking a/c!!!!!

Needless to say, they've now announced the demise of said a/c unit which won't have a replacement until Monday.  Everything inside it is burned out.  Well, I'd imagine so after the anal trickery you just pulled on it motherfucker.  Thanks.

Stacy wants to violate The Fn Icon

So earlier I'm talkin to Stacy about just regular BS.  Nothing special, just shit about her vacation time, etc.  Some of you may know her from the old Myndflip Studios days when she did a lot of the banners for us.  Yes, those banners.  The only reason we got traffic I think.

Anyways, normal chat.....until I get this tweet.  I've always known this chick was a little off.  Hell she's one of the few that can hang with me in talking shit.  This has reached a whole new level.

What.....the....fuck?

I don't know how to take this.  This is either an invite to do the most perverse shit to a woman I can possibly imagine, or this chick wants to violate my like an alter boy.  Just for clarification.....NOT COOL on the second option.

Now this is a moment where I'm obviously mixed between excite, and complete terror.  More terror than anything at this point as any tweets or texts back for clarification as to the safety of my cornhole have had no response yet.  I'm not liking this.  This of course become a bit of a topic on twitter following, and I've come to realize after the twisted encouragement and then concern that I need new friends......now.

Thanks Donny for beating on my insecurities lol.  This does NOT help me any.

The Fn Icon is in demand

First time I think I've ever been proposed to online lol

Icon for Fn President!

After much thought, and a ton of encouragement, I've decided to put my name in for office of the President of the United States of America. Let's face it, the regime of politicians we have these days sucks. They don't know shit, and can barely manage to wipe their own asses as opposed to running the country.

I don't concern myself with the politically correct bullshit and the old ways of doing things. Time to let a Fn Icon do the damn job.

Now, a bit of a quick trip through the platform. More updates to come along. Feel free to shoot over any questions you have.....

Political Party:

Unaffiliated (i think for myself, not for the group)

Abortion:  

Personally, I’m not a fan.  I figure it this way....if you’re gonna fuck, you accept the good and the bad.  You assholes that have a frequent stabber card at the local free clinic need to get cut off and be responsible for your choices in life.  “Well I don’t like condoms” ….great...I don’t like supporting your kids with my tax dollars.  If you’re too much of a fucking idiot to get on the pill or use a rubber then suck it up and take your responsibilities.  If this is going to be an issue being an unexpected mommy/daddy, go jerk off more.  Problem solved.  This one is getting struck down except in limited circumstances:



Rape - No way I’m making a chick carry a kid after that happening.  Might as well slap her in the face and rape her again if you think it’s a good idea.

Incest - This is just as fucked up as rape, and then some.  No way I’d make her birth her own sister, etc.  And upon conviction of the crime itself, cut his fucking dick off.

Well being of the mother - We're not going to force a woman to carry a child full term if it could potentially kill her due to an existing medical issue.

Drugs - Crack babies don't deserve that shit.  This is a one time only pass.  Once that first abortion is performed, there will be a required ripping out of any parts to get her pregnant again.

Civil Rights:
Wait, we’re still debating this topic?  What are we a population of backwoods rednecks wearing overalls and praising the Klan?  This topic is dead.  Silence all the idiots who are against it, and all those “get me on TV and pay me to fight for a cause I’m really trying to divide people on so I can on TV” who piss me off.

Crime:
Why is it all states don’t have a 3 strikes rule?  If some jackass is going to commit that many crimes, do you really think they’ll stop?  In my totally made up book of stats, the answer is no.  And as for that juvenile record sealed bullshit, if it’s related to a current crime you commit, it counts.  Fuck you.

Drugs:
*blank stare*
Ok, I’m cool with some drugs.  As for pot, yeah, I’d legalize it.  And no, I won’t be that dickwad who swears he never touched it to get into office.  I’ve smoked a TON of that shit!  Make it legal, grow it all in Wyoming and Montana since there’s nothing else happening in those states, and tax it.  There’s more tax revenue in, Mexico gets pissed cause their drug cartels lose cash, and I’ll be fucked up plenty.  Of course, there’s rules to everything:

Must be 21 or older
No driving under the influence
Sales is prohibited to anyone with a felony
The list would go on......

Where’s my bong?

Energy & Oil:
Yes, we need oil.  No, we will not attempt to convert the whole country to those shitty little smart cars.  I hate those things.  People who drive them should get their asses kicked.  I’ll shut down the EPA and start drilling on any coast we can find that shit.  Once we’re back to relying on ourselves for oil, I’ll be the first on TV telling Saudi Arabia to go fuck themselves.

Foreign Policy:
This is the United States.  I take pride in that.  I’ll NEVER kiss some other county’s ass.  Yes, we will make decisions based on our own best interest.  If you don’t like it, kiss my ass.  If you attack us, you won’t get a bunch of elevator speeches and a 10 year war.  We’ll walk in, fuck up EVERYTHING we can find, and be done with it.

Immigration:
Yes, the borders will be locked and secured.  I have no issue with anyone wanting to become a citizen.  Hell we all imported in to start this thing.  But there is a process.  We allow those who will become productive citizens and live the dream, not some jackass stealing shit and hopping the fence.  As for the process, it takes way too damn long.  It needs to be fully revised and shortened.  And that anchor baby shit....no more.  Do it right, or get the fuck out.

Welfare:
This is something that been beaten and abused more than a chick in a Lifetime movie.  The system was designed to give TEMPORARY assistance to people who lose their job to stay on their feet until they get another job.  It’s turned into a support system making way too many idiots lazy and dependant.  An idea of new guidelines:

Benefits will last for a maximum of one calendar year.  If you can’t find some kind of a fucking job in a year you’re wasting our fucking time.

Mandatory drug testing.  You want the freebie shit in life?  Keep your shit straight.  Can get a job if you’re going to piss dirty anyways.

No out of state or online presence only applications.  Stupid fuck, we know that trick.

If you’re found guilty of a crime, say goodbye to your benefits.

You're not going to be rewarded with free money and benefits for being a lazy douchebag. Period.